Thanks folks. Hey Beth oh sage from the state next store (I'm in Indiana)
Quote: On the surface I am nice to my husband but a friendship, hm, no not really
Someone else (Jennbird I think) mentioned the difference between "friends" and "friendly". I think ex and I are friendly, but not friends. Our children are fairly young and live with us in a close (50/50) arrangement so contact is inevitable, of course.
What confuse me is the DB dance I get now. If I back off, she closes in, etc. I wonder why that behavior continues when the R changes? More accurately in my case, the behaviour began when went into "getting divorced" mode. Clearly, it relieved a good deal of pressure on her when that became the official goal. She no longer had to fear that I would misinterpret anything as an attempt to reconcile. She even said as much.
The communication between us is pretty much 100% kid related now, but I do not understand her, well, clinginess at times. I do not believe regret is anywhere in the realm of her thoughts. I understand that there is a habit formed talking to someone you have talked to daily for years and years. She is not without close support from others including her single male "friend".
I suppose this early on in the process, it is the struggle to not express my feelings about the demise of the marriage that is difficult. I have long since recognized that such things are for me, not for her. I feel badly about it. She, I am sure, is well aware of that. Telling her that when I feel down does not change her impression and doesn't make me feel any better.
Dang, I thought I had some coherent idea in there somewhere but it slipped away.
J_M expressed something that I worry about a bit. I don't want to be sucked into waiting for something in this process. Nor do I want to become aloof simply because it is not a good thing for the children and it would be, for me, a mean way to be. In a way, we have started again at step one in building some sort of R between us only this time, the outcome is not something that could be delightful and wished for (or at least, not as delightful).
