Quote: Know what I find humorous? The spouse that asked for the divorce supposedly "tried everything".
Bwah ha ha!
I was the one who read the R books, offered counseling, unilaterally disarmed, etc. Even before discovering DB, I was in effect practicing it. She has never done any of these things.
However, I am dealing with a woman with a psych degree and me being the prototypical emotionally stunted neanderthal...er... male, what do I know?
So, I've gone back to grunting, pointing, and scratching under my armpits and I leave the real "communicating" to my X. All hail!
I agree that "tried everything" really meant..."raised my voice, sounded crabbier, and repeated it numerous times, sometimes even when the issue seemed resolved previously".
Quote: I was the one who read the R books, offered counseling, unilaterally disarmed, etc. Even before discovering DB, I was in effect practicing it. She has never done any of these things.
So you knew at least by that point that there was a problem. She probably practiced her "tried everything" the year before without success and without you noticing and had already decided that your efforts were "too little, too late".
"Too little, too late" is also a humorous topic. It seems with just girlfriends/boyfriends, coworkers, and friends, that a heartfelt apology and other measures meant to show contrition is not too little and not too late, but with a spouse, nothing can be said or done to change their thinking. Taking a chance that it won't be too little and it isn't too late is apparently too large an effort to make.
But this discussion is maybe on the bitter side. It doesn't do any good. Look on the bright side; you don't have to listen to nagging anymore. It's great not having someone nagging incessantly, usually at the most inconvenient time, like at bed time, about the topic that supposedly was resolved during last weeks fight. Ahhh, precious memories.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: So you knew at least by that point that there was a problem. She probably practiced her "tried everything" the year before without success and without you noticing and had already decided that your efforts were "too little, too late".
So the key seems to be timing - getting the two to try and care at the same time. Seems like only the LBS cares/tries once the bomb hits, and by the time the WAS turns the corner, the roles have reversed, with the LBS now in the "too late" category.
JM, where did you find that femi-nazi blather? I consider myself a feminist, but that penis-hating lather tends to be rather agenda specific - with little consideration of the health or maintenance of marriages or families. By wanting one's marriage or one's family, one is automatically painted as a mysogynistic 'conservative' by those peabrains.
Are we really that awful? Do we really nag all the time? Maybe that's why my husband left me.
And yes I filed for divorce but only because he hadn't after 2 years of separation and an OW. I didn't want to divorce him. He forced me to.
He is a man, yet reading about WAW's on here, he is a text book case of a WAW. I didn't have much idea he would leave, either, and he too said he had 'tried everything', when he'd done nothing.
I loved him. I love marriage. I might have only been 18 years old when I married him, but I was serious. I never would have left the marriage. And I tried everything I could think of to mend it.
I'm just saying this because I wanted to point out that not all women are marriage wreckers.
I would love a husband to dedicate my life to, but unfortunately I have no one who feels the same about me.
Femi-nazi blather and penis-hating lather, I like that. That's great. I need to use that sometime. I also liked the word "mysogynistic".
I think that the time to try that stuff is probably the very first fight. Maybe each read all the relationship books before getting married. I think the best time to resolve differences is when everything is perfect, peachy, and lacks penis-hating or vagina-hating lather (note the use already of penis hating lather). But in retrospect this is all just academic blather.
Jo, this isn't meant to be women bashing (it just turned out that way). It's more walk-away bashing. But it has been said that women walk away more frequently and men usually only walk away when there is a woman already waiting in the wings. Although these truths aren't held to be self-evident.
There is a person out there for you Jo, but you need to shed the baggage called Andy before it would be fair to the future man.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I'm not feminist (I actually think it's a load of balls ), and I'm not a penis hater either. In fact, I quite like them (except for the really small ones, which is like trying to pick a lock with a wet herring) - it's just that all broken marriages seem to be blamed on women.
I agree, I am not ready for another relationship. I would like one because I want human company, and I haven't had sex in bloody forever, but I'm a mess, and I don't reckon any man would touch me when I'm this tearful anyway.
Bit of a vicious circle. I'm depressed because I'm single and I'm single because I'm depressed.
I haven't a clue how to get rid of 'the baggage' as you put it, without getting rid of the children. If they're in my life, he's in my life. End of story.
I know. Given your line of work, you could cut him up into little pieces, put him in a suitcase and throw it in the river. I've seen that done on films. You could do it professionally
Ignore my insane ramblings. I am really down today. I just tried to send jdd an email and my computer switched off.
Quote: What is this? A let's hate all women thread?
GG, No! Please let me reassure you of that on my part. If it is then I am outta here.
In my case, the X said and did nada. That's my point about my sarcasm. It hilights my sitch and thereby undermines the widespread assumption that women are the "great communicators" and "relationship caretakers". Hooey!
Whenever I hear a statement about women's ways of knowing and how men don't get it...I'm gone. There are just too many other wonderful women in this world who are not proudly sporting the "chip".
Hey. I didn't know you guys were religious right anti-women's-rights movement and/or father's rights movements, and abusers and controllers!
Dang, I'm going to hang out here more often. I'm sure it was being a mealy mouthed liberal that got me dumped in the first place.
But I must say, knowing that my ex is now apparently ecstatically happy makes me happy too. Here I was thinking she was hiding from loneliness by switching to a new guy immediately (which, incidentally is how we end up married. I'm going to get ahold of ex#1 and start a club. If she marries this one, we will soon have enough members to have a quorum )
And GG, we don't hate women. We love you for example.
I consider myself a feminist, but that penis-hating lather tends to be rather agenda specific - with little consideration of the health or maintenance of marriages or families. By wanting one's marriage or one's family, one is automatically painted as a mysogynistic 'conservative' by those peabrains. 
), and I'm not a penis hater either. In fact, I quite like them (except for the really small ones, which is like trying to pick a lock with a wet herring) - it's just that all broken marriages seem to be blamed on women.