You'd have to define or qualify what "everything", as in "tried everything", actually means. My wife said she "tried everything". Actually, she didn't say it, she wrote it, in her private journal. The private journal she kept, that she showed me a part of, after the bomb, where she also wrote, some six months before the bomb, "I don't think he's even aware that our marriage is falling apart".
Seems to me that someone who's tried "everything" would've at least included notifying their spouse and giving a heads up, no?
The journal knew what her issues were. So did her girl friends... and so did the OM. But not me. I wasn't told.
Then too, it seems to me, that if someone's involved in an EA or a PA and claims at the same time that they were trying to work on the marriage, that there's an emotional unavailibility occuring that undermines that person's efforts to work on the relationship. Is that why while she says she was "trying everything", she didn't communicate her needs or wasn't open or honest and instead practiced avoidance and deception?
And maybe that's why I wasn't told about how she was feeling? Because what she really wanted was to not have the relationship repaired, so that she could get what she liked getting from the OM?
In DR, MWD makes the point about how it may be that an unhappy spouse uses a mode of communication to get their message across, but if the mode doesn't work, they don't change the mode, but amplify instead using the same mode, despite it being a cheeseless tunnel.
She also makes the point that "everything" encompasses a pretty large scope, and truly, not too many can really say that "everything" was tried.
Then too, there's the mention made of how the unhappy partner has a tendency of putting the fault squarely on their partner, hoping their partner will change, rather than even looking at what part they play in the condition of their relationship. Relationships and their dynamics, after all, are not a reflection of just one partner, but of both.
So I'm really dubious as to the meaningfulness of the alleged proof stated as "It's been proved through research that women typically don't give up on their marriages except after 'trying everything' first to 'fix' them"...
