Quote: We've slowly, but inexorably been moving farther apart from each other. It's largely her doing.
Are you sure?
Quote: Before I left I told my X that I thought she needed to move all her stuff out of the house. I also told her that I didn't want anything more to do with her; that I wanted us to go our separate ways.
If directed at me, I'd take this as a directive to not call, come over, have dinner together, etc... So maybe she's merely following your request. This might 'settle' things for you, but it also may muddle up her work or process regarding the R with you.
Quote: she isn't changing, I'm just finally waking up to the problems (I won't go into details).
I've seen notable change in your sitch. From her chasing after attention from guys in pubs to her quieting and spending more time with you. Sure, the fantasy emailing/chatting has continued now and then, but that's a far cry from realworld affairs or OPs. She seems to be doing her work. I wouldn't read too much into recent changes in her behavior like increased coldness, etc.., b/c that might merely be a consequence of these new more distant boundaries.
On a side, I've wondered from time to time whether her staying in town despite poor job and residence situations might have to do mainly with your presence. This distancing might remove that one reason for her staying local.
The initial main issue that triggered the bomb - that of it not working out b/c of the families (read - kids) not meshing - is now blown out of the water. Her kids were ASKING to spend time with you. You proved over these past 7-8 months to be a great step-dad despite the S/D. She has noticed this, JM.
If this is about you transitioning to an equal place of just wanting to walk away, I respect that. You have done more thn your share of DB work. And you deserve to have your love/companionship needs met. I just wanted to point out patterns of change from afar.
