Mmmm, I see what you mean, Wes, but previous experiences with the X do count (for instance, in my case if I hadn't have been with Andy, I wouldn't have a gorgeous blonde 3 year old living in my house, and telling me, 'mummy, I love you; we're all married!' , in fact, if he hadn't left me, I wouldn't have written my book, I wouldn't have spent time living in Orlando, no way would I have done that as his wife).

I'm not saying he's right or I'm glad, I'm not, and I do think the WAS is weak, depressed, commitment phobic without any idea of the true value of people or marriage, but even in the most agonizing sitch like mine, I can think of things I have gained from it.

It is also my religious belief in reincarnation and that before we are born, God has for us a set of jobs to do in our life by which we will learn things, and when we have completed those lessons, we die and go back to spirit, and then keep incarnating until we have attained all the love and wisdom we can.

Maybe D happens because we need to alter our R's with people; it is a catalyist for growth - although because I believe in the sanctity of marriage, I think this should be used to strengthen the faults in the R, rather than to stay D, but sometimes the WAS has so many issues it makes it impossible.

I do try to live by the philosophy that the only things you take with you when you die are love and knowledge, so I try to cultivate these and not to hurt others (but not at the expense of my own emotional health).

I also know that if Andy or I fail to learn lessons from these experiences, we will be sent back again in another incarnation to repeat the same scenario in the hope that we respond to it correctly, or communicate better before it happens. That's another argument for DB'ing, I so don't want to come back with the man all over again
I feel as if I have known him for 3,000 years and I have no doubt we played this out before, but without the internet

So I try not to get too resentful about things, but yes, it does hurt.

Jo.