I second Spitfire's welcome. I remember how devastated I felt when I found out about my WS's affair. All I can say is that the pain does lessen over time, though it doesn't go away. Other reads which have helped me are:

Spring, "After the Affair"
Glass, "Not Just Friends"

I didn't see any of the infidelity in person; your experience must have been horrifying. I did get a letter from the OM's wife describing pretty much everything, so I am familiar with the pain.

By the way, I have a reputation on this board as a sort of verbal abuser, attack dog or Triumph the Comic Insult Dog (I don't know who that is). I guess some people can't take a little honest reaction. Anyway, welcome.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.