I chose Phoenix because of the way I felt when I came to this site. Finding my self felling burned and left in ashes, I wanted to raise from the ashes and fly again. This was chosen to give myself hope. Many times I have felt that I have accomplished much where no one felt I would. These last few weeks I feel that I was right on track.
I do send many prayers and good vibes your way. Continue with a positive, can't lose, won't accept loss attitude. Build yourself back up and regardless of the outcome you will fell that you have won. You won't know till you get there what you have accomplished.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I think I'm doing well. W seems to be warming up and responding quite well. What's got me confused is that I really haven't changed much lately. I had tuned things into the best conditions as possible and had kind of just held course there. There was quite a bit of very slow improvement, but no big changes or breakthroughs. However her whole attitude and response has been improving.
So I guess I'm at the point where I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall and see it all fall to pieces. Or maybe some other plan is in the works and this is just a cover. Perhaps, something has finally sunk in to her and now she's finally responding. I hope this is all things working out for the better. There is however the big intimacy hurdle, let's see if we can make a breakthrough there. So far we are talking, communicating (non R) and not being distracted by other things and people. She does call or approach/share things with me.
Yeah, I hear you on the intimacy thing. I really miss having someone I can trust on all levels, who I can talk to about anything, and know they are keenly interested, who I know loves me despite my faults, and someone who has romantic feelings for me.
Anyway, I am glad you have some improvements, and that is better than being in limbo, as small as the steps may be. You are truly inspirational to me, when it comes to being patient.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
The other night I had a very interesting dream, W was sitting there with a relative who had passed away. They were looking at how W life had/was progressing. At the point where they came to the last few years, it got real interesting. It was real facsinating listening to W explain her actions over these years to someone who had been through the same experience, but from the other side of the fence. I would give anything to hear her make those commitments to changes for real.
It was interesting hearing/seeing my own mistakes too. But I felt pretty good about how I faired. Through this whole experience I have changed what I can, now I just wait patiently. Hopefully I'll endure to the end.
Quote: I have changed what I can, now I just wait patiently
Wait! something doesn't seem right with that statement. I know we can't keep being like chickens darting around pecking at bugs all the time, but it's not good to just sit on the nest when you can't tell if the eggs are good.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I appologize for the appathetic attitude. Some times I just get in the mode of "no where to go, nothing to do, let's sit and watch and see where this goes". Perhaps one of my biggest mistakes was leaving the DB book early on in this experience. I am sure W read it and is too stubborn to allow herself to be DBed. So where most of us would start to feel like they are winning, my W puts in the heals a little more deeply. So overall things have improved, but of course they aren't going where they need to be.
Some days I want to be as cold about this a Donald Trump, other days I'm just glad things have improved. As much as I do inspire others with my patience, I can see the end of my rope also. Some days I would just like to take the rug out from under W. Ah, yes, more venting.
I understand that mode, sometimes they call it detachment. I wonder too if H refuses to be DB'd, he's a pretty good snoop! and seems to always be a step ahead of me. I definetly so understand the 'improved but can't reach a goal'. What do I settle for? I've always been a person that settles, rather than standing up for what I want. Whew, talk about vent, and I'm not even where I belong... oops. Make a great day!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Over all, everything but one thing is improving. Of course I'm not sure how to approach this one, or if I really should. I guess it's a matter of something better happen if this is ever going to get better. I'm flexible enough to find a happy medium, but I'm not going to accept being shut out. Probably in the not to distant future I'm going to voice this to W and she'll have a chance to address this. She is quite aware of my feelings on the matter, I guess we just have to see if she'll do anything about it. For all concerned, let's hope it's soon.
Having to relearn "having no expectations". Was feeling bad that the kids had to suffer as a result of all this. Mostly they have a very positive outlook on this, I try to follow their lead. Hopefully I can continue to be patient and give W the time she needs. If I feel that it's more a matter of the heals are in and no chance of that changing, we might have to rethink this one. I am studying to make sure where I should be and the best way to get there. The bottom line is that it is her choice, however I do have a choice in how I react.
How you doing, Phoenix? 
