Probably the best thing for me to do is draw out some sitchs and let you connect the dots. Can we sit in the same room and talk about anything (non R)? Yes, more and more frequently, with her quite often innitiating. Sometimes to the extent I find myself wondering how the heck she can open up so much to me, share so much and not feel that she is in love with me. She is generally a shy person, who doesn't share too much personal stuff with others. Who would she share so much with? Someone she loves and feels is a friend.

Does she now pull out picture albums and look back in positive manner? Yes. Does she fuss over the kids with affection (almost too obvious) but only slightly recognize me? Yes. Does she initiate physical contact/affection? No. In fact, avoids any sitch that might lead to anything. Has the air improved? Most definately. How have I done it? Let's see if I can put this in words.

First off I would say I have followed some of the basics taught in DR. Don't hover/pursue/brow beat her into doing what I believe is right. Don't try to teach her anything, this is something she has to figure out. Detach and rediscover yourself, without causing damage to R. (Too often our spouses misapplication of this approach got them to where they are to begin with (EA/PA)). Become upbeat and understanding without being overt about it.

Do all these things sincerely and with love. If you do they really can't help but warm up. Right now my biggest issue is how she can still be hung up about S** . But like all else here I'm just trying to pull back a little and let here heart warm up and common senses kick back in. I have been pleasently please how quite often there has been comments made by other sources that have to make her rethink how she felt when this broke.

Yes, this is worth it, we just have to figure out how to make things work. Will our spouse(s) get it together? We'll see, but it won't be from lack of my(our) effort. Detach, refocus and enjoy what you do have. It doesn't guarantee success, but you do have right on your side, so at least the odds are on your side. The question is really, how long is he willing to fight the current?

I am following your sitch, just not saying much. I'm not real big on airing out problems in front of others, even on this board. Some times I wonder if W has been checking this board, so I'm cautious.