PS, you've said it so well, I feel like I should have said it about me. Good change, stand off, what I missed, where to head next, not crossing a line. That about sums it up! One long thought I have that I'd like to add to all that. I figure I can keep working on this as long as I can see good change, I expect stand offs because of what I missed and it takes me so long to figure out where to head next to erase that line. I have plenty of time to be not married after I've exhausted all my try at making this a better marriage, and I'm learning in the process.
Don't give up, surround yourself with DB types that can help rather than hinder. I'd sure like to hear what your MC has for suggestions.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.