ZB, I found a web forum for NPD folks. Here's the link.
You have to scroll way down to get to the forum menu. One of the folks posted this and I found it interesting.
"I was having a conversation last night with someone who has been diagnosed with NPD and the idea of how this disorder is perceived among many in these online groups came up. She finds it interesting that so many people seem to believe that those around them with NPD spend a great deal o f time thinking up ways to manipulate others. Her response to that is that as a person who has been diagnosed with this disorder she cannot relate to that at all. Basically, she says she is too selfish to give other people the amount of emotional time and energy coming up with ways to harm them which others seem to think NPDers do. Other people are not worth the time to her, they become boring and she moves on rather than spending untold amounts of time trying to find ways to keep them hooked or suck them back into her life.
When I look at my own life I'd say this is a fairly accurate description of how I related, or didn't relate to others for the first thirty years or so. When I was in relationships of one kind or another I really didn't spend that much time thinking of the other person in either good or bad ways. That was a part of my problem. And to be sure after I walked away I didn't spend time thinking of them or stalking them across the internet. That simply is not consistent with me or most other persons I've met who are truly experiencing NPD.
I wonder why its so important for people to think that those with NPD are spending such great efforts coming up with ways to create havoc, especially once a relationship is over, but to a certain degree while its still alive. I'd be interested in hearing how others are thinking, and why it is you believe the person you are, or were, with was so focused on you."
End Quote.
Another poster wrote:
"I was thinking about empathy as it relates to wanting to care for and be kind to other people. I've been practicing some of the meditation techniques recommended on this site and I'm getting a bit better at just watching the reactions of myself in various situation without judging myself.
As I do this I'm realizing more and more that I really honestly don't seem to have a lot of desire to be caring or kind for other people. I just fake it, both to myself and others, because that way people won't get angry at me or avoid me and also that way I won't have to tell myself, internally, that I'm being a bad person.
The only empathy I seem to have, genuinely, is for animals and babies. I think it's empathy, at least. I imagine how they are feeling and I feel this genuine love and concern for them. I want to care for them and be kind to them, and it doesn't feel like a burden or an imposition. It just seems to flow naturally."
End Quote:
And one other regarding animals.
"It seems to me that a lot of people who have these wounds to the self have a deep bounding or feeling of empathy for animals. Maybe this is because we see animals as being the only things which in our lives which offer us unconditional acceptance and love. Our pets don't go around causing us emotional pain or complaining that we are flawed, evil, etc... so we develop a very special relationship with them. Pets have always been a very important part of my life, but its taken a long time and a lot of work to allow myself to be open to people."
Anyway, I just wanted to pass it on to you since it consists of people who have been diagnosed with the disorder and who are discussing it and making attempts to deal with it. I thought it might offer you something helpful and/or hopeful.
