I haven’t actually been seeing him for 15 years. I just started seeing him about 15 years ago. W and I went pretty steadily for a couple of years and over the intervening 13 years we’ve gone back several times for relatively short stints. In all cases, it’s been a mix of individual and couple sessions. We’ve also had the kids there a couple of times.
Cobra, Lil, et al,
I do know how you feel. I’m a fixer myself. If you remember the start of this thread, that was my big problem: the C basically said that this couldn’t be fixed. I just wasn’t prepared to hear that. I wasn’t prepared to accept it. When I revived the thread, what I wanted to say is that I’ve had time for the dust to settle, I’ve had time to do some reading about NPD, and I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the reality that this may very well not be fixable.
When I saw the C and got the bomb dropped on me, I told him that I needed some time to get used to the idea. I asked about what I should do, asked about what was best for my kids, etc. I covered the basics of what he said earlier – basically sit tight, work on your R with the kids, and shield them from their mother’s vitriol. He seemed to think that keeping the family intact was the best choice right now. He told me to call or email if I had any questions and rather than scheduling the next appointment, he told me to do that when I felt like I was ready.
This revival of the thread was me getting ready. It’s an admission that maybe it really isn’t fixable. It’s the first time I’ve ever said that I wanted out. It’s talking through my reasons for staying and reviewing the reasons the C gave me for staying. It’s examining the things he said to me and trying to figure out if he was really saying them or if he was just reflecting back what I’ve said. I absolutely believe that everything I listed was valid and correct for me for right now. But I also believe that I’m ready to go back to the C to discuss what happens next. I guess it’s time to call for that appointment.
