ZB, Have you ever talked to your pastor about your situation? I think getting some spiritual advice may help un-burden you, if nothing else.
Also, what about suggesting that she go live in your other house? You already pay for it, why not put it to better use?
I guess what I'm saying is that, while you do not have to divorce her, neither do you have to LIVE with her and put up with her selfish behavior. I know that solution doesn't address the bottom part of your list, but I'm addressing the "We love Bube" aspect of your situation and encouraging you to continue to look for a solution that works for you.
