My very REAL friend... oh god, does my heart go out to you.
I really have nothing to offer you in terms of advice, only a prayer. I think that you have all the straws piled on your back that one person can carry, and you do it with the very best of intentions.
So I pray for you that one day very soon, a very small, very tiny straw waifs its way down from heaven to settle on your already too heavy load... and that final straw will shatter all your carefully constructed beliefs and values, and finally, finally liberate your camel of a life from its burden.
Every person has their limit. God bless you until the day you hit yours. When you do, you understand that failure is sometimes one of the most profound blessings life can offer.
