Z-Bube... your post was very moving. You have an old-fashioned nobility that is rare today. I mean that as the highest possible compliment. You know very clearly what you are doing and why you are doing it. I really respect that. Perhaps it is your karma to honor your values and to stick with this until the very end.
Maybe what you should do now (and perhaps some of us can help you kick around some ideas) is come up with strategies to make your next years as tolerable and even joyful as possible.
Have you read Victor Frankl ("Man's Search for Meaning")? I think you would find his works very helpful right now. When he was in a concentration camp he observed that some people were able to fashion a meaningful existence under totally impossible conditions. He wanted to figure out how people found meaning under very trying circumstances. I believe if you were to tell him your story and your reasoning, he would shake your hand and say "I understand. Well done."
I feel honored to know you... if only in cyberspace.
