My bf does this too-- the innuendos about later sexual activity. He doesn't do it around other people, just when we're alone. I used to play into it and join in, considering it a good sign that he was at least interested, but now that I know nothing is going to happen, I just ignore the remarks.
ZB-your w sounds so much like my late husband's first w it's uncanny. In public she was the most gregarious person, but in private she was a tyrant. When they had a party she used to literally run a gloved hand along the chair rungs to make sure the kids had dusted and then rip them a new one if they hadn't. She was a sainted church lady in public.
Also ZB your W doesn't have to be an ogress for you to leave her. She doesn't have to "deserve" it. It's not something you do TO her. It's something you do to save your own LIFE.
