I was also thinking along the same lines as what Lou said. My wife just completed alternative certification as an elementary teacher. She now has a new career and is working full time. It was a lot of work for her to do this, but she was a SAHM, and our youngest child is only 8. I would think your wife has a lot of time on her hands, in fact way too much. Getting out of the house can only be good for her.
I am also wondering something, so don’t take it wrong. I don’t know you well, but one of my first impressions is that you are the care taker in the family. Nothing wrong with that, in light of your wife. But I feel your excuses for her not being able to support herself just don’t make sense. Lou explained that well. My question is why do YOU feel that way? What do you get out of having her stay at home, and taking care of her? What security do you received from having her dependent on you?
This may not be the appropriate time to ask these questions. I am sorry for your grief and you problems. But look on the bright side. She is not leaving and you are not kicking her out. Nothing has changed except a new perspective within you. You have lost hope. Your fantasy has evaporated and you do not know what the future has in store. In reality, is this any different from last week, or last month, or last year? She is probably the same difficult person now that she was back then.
She has not changed at all. Only your perception of yourself has changed. I think the fantasy you had was a wall you built up to keep from feeling sorry for yourself. The wall has crumbled. Nothing else changed. You now feel sorry for yourself. Wishing for a heart attack speaks to this. Such self pity is not healthy (I should know). Look inside and see why this is so. I could do it, to some extent. So can you.
I don’t believe you can change a narcissist. But since you will not part from her and you really shouldn’t keep living with her abuse, then maybe you can make things a little better. I doubt it but you never know. Maybe this realization (assuming there is any substance to what I am saying) could help shift the balance in your house in some way. Everyone here says that can happen, but don’t take it from me.
Just my thoughts, and I hope it can help somehow. Stay strong,
