Quote: Blackie, I can’t/won’t put here out. She’s a 48 year old, lifelong SAHM and has no means of supporting herself.
ZB, I am not trying to change your mind but everyone has an ability to support himself or herself with some help. She has another 18+? years to go to full social security benefits. She could learn something is less than a year or two.
When I had my second back injury and advise to quit my auto mechanic work, BB was eligible for many programs. I went with her to the YWCA, while she was taking aptitude tests and being interviewed/counseled, so was I. Batter women's shelters (not that your W is battered) see SAHM all of the time.
In short order, BB was in a nursing program and I was at college. The YWCA did not do that much for us per say, they just got us in contact with other agencies that could help.
BB and I both saw women that were convinced "they couldn't" change to "well, I did it." "It was not easy but here I am." I [am] , going to be OK." People with Developmental and physical disabilities work. Mrs ZB can too. I saw people who did not want to work but I never saw anyone who couldn't work. And that includes guys in wheel chairs with almost no arm strength.
About the SAHM thing, I think that is part of your W's problem. She might benefit and improve her social skills if she is forced to interact properly with more people that she has less freedom to abuse without consequences that might affect her negatively. (The dog thing does not count because volunteer jobs/people put up with a lot of crap. What are they gona do, dock her pay?) She knows you won't fire her but maybe her employer will and that might shape her up a little.
At least working will make family members less of a target (time wise). I believe in "work is therapy." Working and getting a paycheck builds selfesteem, BTDT. Look at you going for the carrot and all of the work in getting certified (if I am correct about the certification in blackfoot's post) SAHM's going to work is not a stick motivation thing in my books. It can be a carrot thing for your W to improve herself. Check it out with your C. Maybe I am off here but I have seen not working be a problem. BTW, Mrs ZB is working, just not getting paid doing the dog thing, if I remember correctly.
Quote: Karen, I think you described W perfectly when you said, “unable to form a marital bond.” I’ve always wondered how the Catholic Church could grant annulments to people who had been married for years and had several children, but I’m beginning to see it.
I often wondered about the Catholic form of divorce. Karen1 & ZB, Thanks for saying it this way.
Do what you can ZB. I can see you leaving when the last one leaves so if you want keep from totally checking out one day, at least consider some of the options put out to you.
What would your W do if you totally checked out and she never learned to work. Would having to go to work “cold turkey” be better or worse than gradually learning a job while being physically and emotionally supported. My major in college was how to help people get back to work and how to support people who never worked.
SAHM go back to work every day. I even did some foot work for a “Back to Work Agency” that processed a few SAHM divorce cases. If you died, Mrs ZB would most likely go back to work. What is the difference between working part time now, while she has your support, and no support if you would have died or just bugged out and gone on that ride with Blackfoot. I know divorce is out, just think about what I posted.
Now my real reason to post. Sorry to hear about your situation and guy hugs to you (((((ZB))))).
