Quote: Upon further reflection, I have a couple more comments... Z-Bube, you are in such a tough situation, and I recognize that. My heart indeed goes out to you. You are faced with several unacceptable choices, and to me your task is to figure out the one that will cause the least damage to the innocent."
--Spot on, Corri. And further reflection here as well. I see where your C is coming from. He is weighing the cost-benefit ratio of keeping your family together during the notoriously turbulent teen/early adult years versus the split/rift perpetual ripple effect of stigmatizing the children with the "broken family" label.
The dime is standing on edge and can fall either way as to this regard. Which is the lesser of the 2 evils? Do you sacrifice on the altar the childrens' self-esteems ad infinitum into the future to spare the trauma of D'ing parents? Where they may feel responsible for the split somehow, start to rebel, and internalize negative feelings from shame about their now broken family?
Or do you explain to the children that an S, possibly D, is needed to calm the turbulent waters of an anger out of control? Thus edifying, or at the very least, stopping the dismantling of the kids' self-identification and feelings of worth?
Catch-22 and I feel for you. And, yes, to Blackie's point, putting her out is favorable in lieu of acting like some kind of Craig T. Nelson from "Poltergeist", grabbing the children and hauling azz out of there while the W's storm of anger collapses the house around her.
She is projecting negativity in what could be an harmonious home. The negativity needs to be removed...either by her own efforts or by her being asked to leave, thus taking it with her.
Doesn't mean you don't still love her. Maybe some time by herself away from the kids will show her that children are meant to be cherished, bolstered/praised, with a firm yet gentle hand of discipline thrown in; not an anger-clouded hand wielding a wooden spoon.
And maybe some time away alone will allow her to break free, or at least become less obfuscated, of her own narcissistic tendencies.
Good luck and weigh it all carefully. And please make sure the kids are on board/informed through the process and keep counteracting her criticisms of your kids with examples of how proud/impressed you are with each one's uniqueness/talents.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
