Upon further reflection, I have a couple more comments... Z-Bube, you are in such a tough situation, and I recognize that. My heart indeed goes out to you. You are faced with several unacceptable choices, and to me your task is to figure out the one that will cause the least damage to the innocent.
You did the right thing years ago and you have stuck with that. But what occurs to me now is that you are continuing to keep your children, particularly your youngest (who still has all of high school to get through), in a situation that is harmful to them.
I ask myself "why would you do this?"
The only reason I can come up with from what you have said is a kind of selfish stubbornness, an unwillingness to admit that coming back to the marriage might have been not the right thing to do, but the very worst thing you could have done. If you leave now, the pain of knowing that these last years of misery could have been avoided would be just about intolerable.
But it's not just about you. Must your children-- I'm talking about the ones at home-- continue to pay the price for your need to validate your decision? You admit there is emotional abuse. And yet you keep them in that sitch-- why? What does your conscience say about that? You're planning on spending the next few years being a buffer between your W and your D. How is that the BEST thing for your D? You have the power to create a better situation for her. And you are the only one who has that power. She is helpless.
I also used to pray that my parents would get a divorce and marry other people so that I might have a chance at a family life with less bickering, fighting, poisonous tension, sniping, and bitterness.
Who are you keeping this marriage together FOR? For your daughter? Or for yourself and your need to be right about coming back?
