Quote:

I even countered by telling him that I couldn’t accept that. I said that I couldn’t believe that making changes to myself and changes in the way I interact with W wouldn’t precipitate changes in her.

This is so hard to accept, I know. It's so hard to accept that there is NOTHING we can do... especially since you sacrificed so much to come back to this marriage.

The serenity prayer comes to mind... the courage to change the things I can, to accept what I cannot change, and ESPECIALLY the wisdom to know the difference. The C has told you what you cannot change; I think for a long time you have been operating under the erroneous assumption that you might be able to make some of these things change. I don't think you have any reason to doubt him-- your post vouches for his credibility.

I wonder if your W heard his statement, would she want to stay in the marriage. Why DOES she want to stay in the marriage BTW?

Beating a little girl with a stick so hard someone has to pull you OFF? Outrageous!