I know what you mean. I sometimes have the feeling that I'm kissing her butt or going out of my way to avoid conflict. My interpretation of "don't do all the bending" is that you shouldn't be a doormat...it's very unattractive. And you definitely should draw the line when it's very important...in circumstances where if you were together you wouldn't bend on the issue....say something to do with your kids or moving for his/her benefit when you would have to quit your job.
I probably have done more bending in my two divorces than is good for me. But I have some issues I know I won't and that's moving away from my kids for my XWs benefit, finding a different job, or selling/not selling my house based on her preferences. For big decisions I will not budge because she forfeited any input in big decisions. She can pick the restaurant we eat at.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
