Journey, So I figured out why your H chose the teen cheerleader number he did.
It's cheap.
LOLOL
Seriously I was browsing the VS website and I noticed that the teenybopper line was on sale. Bingo!, I thought.
I don't know if your H is a cheapskate but mine is and I can guarantee that this, combined with his natural prudishness would have made the outfit irresistable. Hey, he thinks, I get points for bringing home lingerie aaaaaaaannndddd I do it economically. What a brilliant guy I am!
Ok, HP... you got me posting back on my own thread!
Yes, the cheap-o factor has to go into the equation, not to mention that the Pink line is the first thing you encounter when you walk into the store...and of course, there's the "cute" image vs. anything hinting of sexuality.
I went back to an old thread of mine from last yr ( last Dec.) when my H bought 2 outfits from VS ( the only other time he has done this) for our anniversary. It was amazing ( and somewhat sad) how everything is the same. At that time he got me lingerie that I actually liked ( turns out he asked the salesgirl for help)...feminine, slinky but not at all over the top...just pretty. I put the lingerie on and the same thing happened...no reaction from him. In those posts I talked about the effect the clothes had on me, making me feel sexy, and how I will continue to wear them periodically for my own sensuality, even though it's not H's cup of tea ( not that he was in any way rude...just not responsvie, if you know what I mean). Well, it never happened. Those outfits have stayed in the drawer for a yr. Not wanting to pressure my H takes away some of the fun for me...imagine if I wanted to dress like a complete slut...it would probably shut him down for days.
It was an eyeopener to see I am at the same place as last yr, but maybe now I can come to a place of acceptance. I have been wearing my little outfits last week and H does compliment me, and that is the best I can expect. The play for him has to come under his control...I know now I can assert myself and have fun, but I can't control his reaction.
I do see the many ways he is trying...we ML on Sat acording to the schedule and he gave me some extra attention yesterday after I took a bath. We had an interesting convo where he said that if he wants me to do do something to him, he is comfortable asserting himself and telling me what he wants...he now sees that he was expecting me to assert myself as well, but now understands that I enjoy him just " going for it"...that it's more of a turn on for me ( even though he feels the exact opposite). So we were able to differentiate on that point.
I like the idea of ME turning him on, something I'm wearing, the way that I move, something. It doesn't appear that this is how he works.
What a bottomless pit of disappointment that is to me.
I too have drawers of lingerie that I never wear due to Lil's "if a tree falls" line of thinking. It is utterly disappointing. Part of me thinks, Oh H just FAKE it! If you knew how much it adds to the experience for me--to have a man who actively wants me--you'd just fake it and reap the benefits.
But I have to say that with each passing year, I come closer and closer to true acceptance. And it's more than just acceptance of the lingerie thing..it's a whole acceptance of who he IS.
If the lingerie is something you enjoy even if your H's do not respond the way you would like. You should still wear it. Obviously this is something you can do for your own sensuality. I love lingerie of sorts and it has nothing to do with my H. It just makes me feel good to put it on. I wear it to bed and get up in the morning and wear it around the house as long as it is not to skimpy to wear in front of my kids. Which only became a problem as they got older. My H could give a fig about it he pays no more attention to it then when I have a tank top and undies on or a tee shirt and sweat pants. But I wear it because I like it. Which means I do it for me not for him. So his response or non response takes nothing away from the experience or feeling of sensuality that comes from slipping it on.
Quote: So his response or non response takes nothing away from the experience or feeling of sensuality that comes from slipping it on.
I think the experience of wearing lingerie (or putting on lotion, makeup, dressing up, even MB) just for your own pleasure is a good way to be aware of and enjoy your own SEXUALITY. This is a good thing, a fun thing, and we should do it for ourselves because it feels good...
BUT
It does nothing for your experience of yourself as SEXUALLY DESIRABLE.
These are two separate, valuable, distinct experiences that should not be mutually exclusive, but alas, for some of us, they seem to be...
I agree with what you say Lilly about the sexuality.
Putting on lingerie enhances my own feelings of sensuality not sexuality. The act of being sensual and the act of being sexual though finely entwined are two seperate things.
Good point about the difference between enjoying your own sexuality and feeling sexually desirable. Feeling desirable does generally require someone else's participation while feeling sexual or sensual does not. Feeling desirable means we are the specific object of someone else's sexual interest (at least for that moment). Folks can blast me for this but in the end it does take two to tango.
Journey,
Giggles on the "cheap" and "romantic" analysis of the lingerie choice. My H would do the same if pressed into it.
OTOH - if the cheerleader thing has merit there are other ways to do the "cute/sexy" that your H would probably appreciate. For example - he doesn't react to you in pretty lingerie but what about in workout clothes with your hair in a ponytail?
Quote: Good point about the difference between enjoying your own sexuality and feeling sexually desirable. Feeling desirable does generally require someone else's participation while feeling sexual or sensual does not. Feeling desirable means we are the specific object of someone else's sexual interest (at least for that moment). Folks can blast me for this but in the end it does take two to tango.
This appears to be the basic issue of everyone posting on this board who HAS a problem... namely that they are missing a sense of their sexual desirability because their partner is not showing it and fidelity demands that they not seek validation of their desirability elsewhere.
We don't need outside validation of our SEXUALITY, but in order to feel desirABLE we have to have someone desiring us and showing it.
Surely there's nothing in this statement to "blast" you for?
