Well Chrissy, my dear, as much as I'd like to report a resounding success, it was another imperfect nite. We were fooling around in bed, and he was turned on, and then I go to take a bath and put on my outfit and got into a fun, sexy, confident, etc frame of mind, and I come back into bed and he's just not excited. OMG....what a head trip. Anyway, he was feeling " pressure" so I just sighed and did the snuggle thing, and later he woke me up to ML, which was nice...but...well, you get it.
A bath when he was excited what were you thinking? Did you at least invite him to join in. Or did you just give him let down time?
If my H is trying to have sex and I say oh let me go bath first I am really saying that is more interesting to me that what has popped up and I am hoping it goes away.(did that this morning by the way).
Spontanous...... Not primed would have gotten you a little further down the road to where you want to head sweetie.
Well here is hoping everything else is going okay. And you get a chance to have a do over tonight!
I’ve got to agree with Chrissy. If I were in your H’s place, getting all worked up and things going good, then you get up and leave, well, I’d have to think WTF. In my mind, I’d be wondering why you didn’t take a bath before starting something.
I can see him feeling some level of rejection over this, possibly a little anger. He may have lost desire, at that moment, but the fire in his loins didn’t just vaporize. You get a man worked up enough and he eventually needs the release. Trying to go to sleep without this release is tough and frustrating. So my guess is he decided to get over his hurt and initiated with you so he could get to sleep. At that point he wasn’t interested in pleasing you, just himself.
Chrissy...I see what you are saying...it would have been better to " go for it" in the moment and not stick to the plan, which added pressure and made him lose momentum.
Cobra... I didn't leave to take the bath in a rejecting kind of way...we were getting warmed up and I was going along with the plan. I truly thought he would be even more revved up, since this was the outfit he chose and all...but the pressure did us in. I am still dealing with my feelings of rejection...from my POV, it's painful to attempt to look good for your H and then get no response. The ML later in the night was for my benefit ( okay and his too)...he wanted to show me that he does get aroused and wants me.
It's just very hard on the female psyche to deal with this LDH thing.
How did you know that he lost momentum? Did he say that he no longer wanted to ML? Was he sleepy?
I'm not following exactly where everything went wrong but I do believe you that they did!
Fwiw, my H would have completely lost momentum too. The moment would have been long gone and he'd be blissfully snoozing.
Maybe next time you could just rush away and put on the outfit? Skip the bath? Or ask him to join you?
Sorry that it was something of a bomb. I'm absolutely certain that the ML later on wasn't just "for you"; it was for him, too. My H does this all the time--reject me, then wake up a few hours later, horny. Just needed a cat nap, I guess.
Hi IHJ I know what you mean about the pressure. Any time H and I set up some elaborate "get in the mood" tactics it always backfired. We do much better with spontaneity. I think the pressure is felt both for the HD and the LD. The HD wonders if they are being arousing enough and the LD worries about being aroused. Not good. Glad you ML later though. Better than nothin.
Kinda funny, HP, how you are assuring me that the ML was for his benefit and not just mine. Twisted, in a way that only a fellow woman with an LDH would understand.
Anyway... move forward, I will. It takes its toll that he is pressured and feels blocked by me in some way, which prevents spontaneous play. He has to work through this himself...I can only be patient and try not to aggravate the situation by getting overly emotional...easier said than done.
This am we were having tea after we got the kids off to school before he left for work; there was new snow on the ground...very picturesque and tranquil feeling...and right there and then, with the good, relaxed EC going, he told me ( and also showed me,lol) that he had the "tingles." Not that he did anything about it, mind you, but it was cute.
Going to take a bath was fine, the mistake you made was not inviting him! Don't give him a chance to cool down. Take him with you to the bath (or shower) and get things worked up even more. Try it tonight, soap it up!
Anticipation is not the best idea to use on men. I know it works wonders on you.... Your poor H was so bewildered, raring to go and you run off for a bath and to put clothes ON????? WTH?
LOL.
If you want to wear your outfit, put it on and cook dinner/spend the evening in it. the outfit is an instigator not the main course. Once he was ready to go he could so care less about what you were wearing.
