Looking back, I see that he didn't have the maturity to handle my depressive side...he felt abandoned by me, and then detached from me, which made me feel abandoned. We ended up in two separate worlds, until I was finally able to help myself and begin to reconnect, first to myself and then to him. He does have a lot of work ahead of him to deal with the stresses of life as a mature man. I am learning to cope better, too, so that he doesn't have the sense from me that life is just this bleak thing ( I tend to put on a happy face to the world while taking out the "yuk" part of life on him). Everyone needs to feel hopeful, and I think he was missing this from me. On his end, detaching, avoiding,and escaping come easy to him...he has to meet me in reality where we accept life's terms a bit better and create, together, a fulfilling life.
I am resistant to being his cutesy girl this weekend; I kind of feel I have moved beyond that, but if he needs to feel that sense of fun and youth, I feel I should go along with it...and it might even be a good thing for me...as long as we can get to a place where he accepts all of me, depression and emotionality included.
