Hello, I have been reading this board for some time now and it has helped me a great deal, I even read DBing. My H and I were married for 6 months 12/04/05 and in June 05 he told me he wanted a divorce. I signed my divorce papers on 10/20/05. In early Sept. he finally started to realize he made a mistake and started to reach out to me. Here is a little background: bought a home 11/04, married 12/04, lost my job 01/05. I was basically the sole provider as my H was substitute teaching. I knew my DH smoked pot but I never knew how much until we started living together (12/04), he said it helped with his ADD. Well, my DH smoked constantly even waking up in the middle of the night to smoke. He stopped student teaching, we stopped having sex and we stopped communicating. I would soon come to find out that he had an $800.00 a month habit. Now, I have know job, he stopped working and we were living off of my unemployment checks and our wedding money. He also opened a landscaping business the previous summer and was spending the money (that we didn’t have) on advertising for the 2005 season. We fought constantly over money and how he spends it. He comes from a wealthy family that gives him what he wants when he wants it; my DH was not accustomed to living the way we had to live at that moment in time. We lost respect for one another and became verbally abuse to each other. The only way my DH would speak to me was if I yelled at him, so that be came to norm for me. I asked him several time to separate so that we could get it together, the problem with that was each time we had an argument or I asked him to separate he would go back to his parents and tell them I was threatening to leave him and I was mean to him. I asked him several times to stop doing this because it will not turn into a good situation for us. Another problem was his mother, she is well known around the community to be CRAZY!! She ruined my bridal shower, she was difficult at my wedding and she constantly interfered in our marriage (with my H’s help.). So in June he dropped the bomb on me and I never saw him again, he went to live with his parents. He left me maintaining our home and all of the bills because he said I threatened to plant drugs in the house and blame it on him. I did finally get a job in May but by that time it was just too late. We had a nasty divorce because he had a trust fund and I wanted half of it because of all the money he went through due to his addiction. His father owns his own law firm so ALL of his legal fees were free. His mother ran our divorce and cost me so much money. Early August we finally spoke and he was willing to let me buy him out so that I could keep the house. He has been calling me again, telling me he misses me, our home, our dogs etc. One day he is hot and one day he is cold. His family talks about me around town and my family talks about him around town, it’s just like forces are trying to keep us apart no matter what. I know my DH never wanted a divorce but was actually convinced that was the best thing for him to do. I feel like my DH only comes around for sex. I have asked him to let me go and to move on, he says NO he only wants me. He knows I’m financially broke and he doesn’t even offer anything to me. I helped support him before we were married. I have told him if you want me back we have to start dating again, dinner, movies etc. but the problem is its hard because someone may see us together. But he has never attempted it anyway and I feel like he just comes over to have sex. I do love my DH but I don’t think I’m in love with him any longer. I’m willing to try it again because we were so in love it was unbelievable but he does NOTHING to get me back. I know he still loves me, he tells me he doesn’t want me to date, he doesn’t want to be with anyone else etc. It’s like he know he was wrong and impulsive but he will not admit it to anyone. I want him to all in love with me again; I want to date all over again, I want to try to start fresh. Does anyone have any suggestions??????
**By the way he has been sober for three months and now has a full time teaching job**
Sounds like you carried the weight of the R for some time. What are you doing to get back on your feet?
Such action will build respect from the WAS - unlike any charity or support from them. Dont' expect him to help you. Plan a way to improve your life yourself and get crackin at it. Please post your ideas for this, and we'll give you feedback, okay?
I have been doing a lot to get back on my feet with the help of my family. I'm now caught up with all my bills, I'm quitting my job soon; I commute 1 hour 45 minutes into Manhattan. I start another full time job January 01, and I'm going to get a part time job three nights a week as well. Commuting into Manhattan was not a choice since we didn't have any money, I leave the house at 6:15am and get home at 8:00pm 5 days a week. I'm going to keep my part time job for a while to pay off some debt then start Paralegal School hopefully in March!!!
My DH wanted to get together on Saturday but I blew him off. I rescheduled for next Saturday! I just can't shake the feeling he just wants to see me for sex!!! How would I know???? What should I do????
If you have been willingly doling out sex when he comes around, then he probably is calling for sex. See if he's still interested when there is no sex involved.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Thank you, I will do that this Saturday when I see him! I have told him numerous times to move on and start dating other people and he always says not I just wnt to be with you! I don't know but I will not have sex with him anymore and I will see what happens!!
If he so openly says things like that, then maybe you should indicate that he should show it. Just thinking of you on the weekend or getting together and expecting sex isn't enough. He needs to step up to the plate if he wants you so bad.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
It depends on what your goals are. Do you want him back? Do you want some space/time to yourself to decide what you want? If you want him back then I think playing a little hard to get isn't such a bad thing. If he's not just playing games then he'll give chase. If you aren't sure, perhaps you should get some space to think it through or explore your feelings. My only advice is to do what feels right to you. Do what will put you closer to your goal, whatever that is.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Just_Me, Thank you for your input. I have not been around for a bit because I was trying to figure something’s out.
My ex husband called 2 weeks ago and asked if he could come over. I told him I didn't feel comfortable because he I feel he only comes over for sex. After a brief conversation he said well I guess we should move on then. I haven't spoken to him since.
Saturday, he asked me to leave the stuff I found in the house that's his on the porch so I did that. The bag contained several things such as wedding pictures of his family and his wedding ring. He text messaged me 3 days later and said "so you didn't sell my ring? That was one of the things that pushed me away” I told him I sold our rings after he asked for the engagement ring back. He always tells me if you didn't do this or if you didn't do that. I text him back "I told you after I said that I didn't get rid of them, I couldn't do that." "Truth is your very confused as to why you let it get this far" It's almost like he is trying to justify why he asked for a divorce!!!!
Since then I have been receiving his parents mail again (my XH is a III) his doctor's office called. This stuff hasn't happened in 6 months!!!! I have been respectful of their mail and I have packed it and sent it to them. I let me XH know each time I receive something and when I send it out. I don't even get a thank you!!!!
I feel so alone, depressed and unhappy! I'm not sure if he's mad at me or he's really moving on!! Does anyone have any advice for me????? Should I just not let him know if mail comes and just send it? I guess I should wait and see if he ever contacts me!?!!?
