That's what we're here for. I'm glad to hear that you have made getting married the boundary/consequence. I should have addressed this before I married because the problem existed before...but in my situation there were so many other extenuating circumstances that made it easy for me to excuse away this problem. Little did I know when I married him how difficult our M would be for me. We have been married now for a little over 2-years...and for me it's been an uphill battle pretty much the entire time. If things don't change for us, I don't see us lasting....but I'm holding out as long as I possibly can in order to not break up a family.
Ok...let me throw this out there for you to think about. What, specifically, have you told your fiancee you need from him? What specific actions can he do that you will recognize as efforts from him? It's often helpful to give the other person very tangible/specific things they can do...that you promise to recognize as an effort. That way neither of you has to feel around in the dark, as pleasant as that may be.
Also, when he does make efforts...it's absolutely vital that you validate them. That doesn't mean you have to do it right at the time he's making the effort (that can seem cheesy)....but perhaps a couple of hours or a day or so later say "honey thanks for doing xyz, that really made me feel good."
