Quote: Would I have been prepared to see B if H called like he said he would? Hmmm....that depends. If H called and said that he'd be over in about 30 minutes, yes I would've been ready for that. It would've given me time to get myself and S1 ready to go somewhere so that I could just say "hi" and "bye" as I was coming or going. I wasn't feeling well that morning either, remember? Not that that's an excuse or anything for my mood. I just mean that I wasn't dressed and ready to leave the house when they showed up.
Quote: So..this isn't really about Don, it's about being notified that someone was going to call at your house and you may not be appropriatly dressed or whatever....That's fair enough. I would have been furious if my H turned up with a workman to do a job without informing me.
Quote: When H asked if B wasn't ever going to be allowed over again, I told him that I didn't say forever, just not now. I'm not ready to welcome him back into my home. Not after finding out that he knew about what H was doing...but H didn't give me that chance, did he? He didn't give me the time I needed to get over the B issue. He just brought him over. Totally disregarded our agreement. What can I do?[quote/] He doesn't sound like a good friend for either of you. I suggest you let H find that out for himself. I don't blame you for wanting to distance yourself....
Quote: I don't feel that I make the rules, Don. The only rules I make are the ones I expect my boys to follow.
When H asked you if he was ALLOWED to bring Don over it does sound like you make the rules. The way he prods and teases you is almost like your H is a teenager having fun with you rather than a loving supportive partner.
Quote: Wait....now that I'm thinking about this even more, I do have rules...or maybe I'm trying to make them. What kind of rules? How about some that have to do with respecting my feelings? Because I believe that to be a big problem right now. It actually has been for a long time. I feel like H doesn't listen to me, so he doesn't care. He says he does, but I feel otherwise.
What you are doing is not working Val. You have asked him to stop, he hasn't. Time to try something else.
Quote: So what am I to do? Do I continue to talk to him and express myself, my wishes, my feelings? Then afterwards tell myself, "Ok....I told him...but chances are, he really didn't hear me....So I better prepare myself for disappointment/frustration/hurt again...and again...and again....."
Don't ask or expect anything of him. Ignore him when he makes childish remarks...walk away give him No attention for doing it. Give him lots of praise when he is doing thingsyou approve of. he'll soon get the hang of the fact that when he acts ina childish way he gets a blank response.
Quote: He continues to point out any little imperfection I have...when it's about a week before that time of the month for me, I often break out. It's bad enough that I still have to get a pimple here and there in my 30s, but it's even worse when he walks right up to my face and says something that's just plain rude..."Damn, what is that? A pimple? Get rid of it."... ...As if I wanted to keep it.
ignore him.
Quote: He does these things even though I've told him a hundred times not to. By bringing attention to my flaws, he makes me feel so self-conscious all the time.
Quote: He gets a fair bit of attention by doing this kind of stuff. He is not hearing what you are saying about not likeing it so try to stop saying it.
Quote: So yeah....I have expectations...I have rules for H, and they are to be respectful of me and my feelings.
How are they working for you? Are they making you feel respected....? It is clear they are not. I am not saying you should accept this mistreatment but find an alternative way to get what you want Pink
...As if I wanted to keep it. 
