Following my heart....

[DonH]

"If he had just called, this whole thing could've been avoided. Yes, I would've been bothered by it, but at least I would've been prepared to see B walking through the door. It wouldn't have been so bad."

I had a hunch. I'm glad that you actually validated it for me. My hunch was that you were really mad that H didn't do what you told him to/asked him to. You wanted him to tell you before he came over with this guy. You didn't get your way. He didn't listen to you. Now, by your own admission, it's not the fact that you had to see this guy, it's the fact that H didn't call first. You claim that had he called, you would have been prepared to see him. Would you have? Would it have made any difference? If it would have, then you should have prepared yourself in the first place. You should have been ready because I'll bet you already knew that seeing him was a possiblity. You can't control what H will do but you can control what you will do and how you will react.

You extended your hand and agreed to compromise, and look what H went and did. As his thank you to your compromise, he took more advantage of you and brought this guy over unanounced - even though you told him what the rules were. And you make the rules - right?

The thing is, you are right. You are right about what you are saying with H. You are right about what happened. And you certainly are right about H's response and name calling. No sarcasm here. I am very sincere in what I am saying. You really ARE RIGHT!

The question is, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Which is it - RIGHT or HAPPY? Sometimes you don't get both. If the only way to be happy is by being right well then...

So you are right Val. But is it worth it all? You can't control what H is going to do. You can only control what you do and your response to H. Sometimes no matter how hard we try, we still end up like our parents. Shades of your mom are still inside of you. The thing is, you see it and can change it. You can make it better.

Now, take a deep breath, wait several hours, think about it and then reply.