H's fears of needing to talk now?.....Hmmm....If I had to take a guess, then I'd have to say maybe he's afraid that if we, or HE, doesn't fix the problem now, then maybe he feels I will remain upset with him for the rest of the hour, day, whatever.
I have to be honest. If I'm right, I can see why he'd feel that way. I'm stubborn at times . I used to be much more so before really taking a good, hard look at myself. I'd hold onto grudges all day long. I wouldn't back down and give in. I would control the situation with my mood until H would say he was sorry...and he was always the first one to do it even if I knew I was wrong .
Like I said, I was VERY stubborn! I saw myself in my mother when she and I had a fallout several months ago....yikes ....She was wrong. I knew it, and I know she even knew it, but she would not back down and apologize for anything!
Anyway, I don't want to be like that anymore. When I need my space, I really need it, and I've always told H this, but he just can't seem to understand how important that is for me to have.
Back then, even when there were the FEW times that he did leave me alone, I would still pout about whatever we were in disagreement over. I wasn't able to understand that I should be using that time to look at the problem in myself...I would use that time pouting, thinking how wrong H was, and why can't he just agree to my way.
But now, I don't think like that anymore. I need an hour or two just to myself so I can calm down and THINK before I speak....think about what would make the sitch better....think about what I could do and what H could do so that we are both happy....compromise.
I can also now admit when I'm wrong when I've had my space...never was able to do that before .
So I don't know....maybe he pushes the talks to keep me from being upset....maybe H sees it as getting me to see his POV, his logic/reason, so then I should understand and have no excuse to be upset about anything. Perhaps this is some form of control for H.
I feel like he's forcing me to see that he is right, and I am wrong...when clearly in this last argument, he was at fault for not following through. He agreed to call beforehand but didn't. If he had just called, this whole thing could've been avoided. Yes, I would've been bothered by it, but at least I would've been prepared to see B walking through the door. It wouldn't have been so bad.
And I know in time that I'll get over the issue that I have with B. I know this....I can't be upset about it forever....but I just need time right now, and with H doing what he did, he's not giving it to me.
H did say he was sorry, but he also had to point out that he believed I was wrong for being upset. "Ok, I'm sorry, but you've got no reason to be mad. The toilet's getting done. I've been doing nothing but working my a** off, and this is the thanks I get. You're so f***ing unappreciative!" Then that's when he walked away and mumbled "ungrateful b****" .
What is the purpose of that? Am I supposed to accept that as an apology?
Why tell me you're sorry, but oh yeah....go ahead and make me feel like s**t in the process of doing so?! Go ahead and call me a name you know I can't stand just to make me even more upset.
Why can't he just say he's sorry and leave it at that? When I realize that I'm wrong, I apologize, too, but I don't add any verbal jabs to it. I don't say "I'm sorry, BUT YOU blah blah blah... ".
He makes me feel like I'm so wrong for being upset about anything. Like how dare I. He does this, he does that, so I should just be happy. He provides, he's taking care of me financially and makes sure things get done, so I have absolutely no reason whatsoever to feel otherwise.
If I do, then I'm unreasonable, unappreciative, ungrateful. I'm a b****.
I have told him I do not want to be talked to that way, I do not want to see anything else broken in this house...but you can see how well he listens.
Yes, H really needs to know that acting out the way he does really DOES undo 1 million good deeds.....He keeps a roof over our heads, food in our tummies, gas in our truck, clothes on our backs....
But the very instant he throws something, calls me one of his favorite names....whatever appreciation or love I have for him at that moment flies right out the window. I become upset with him, and I find myself getting very close to just not caring at all anymore.
Ok, it's really late. I need to get to bed.
Thanks for listening.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
. I used to be much more so before really taking a good, hard look at myself. I'd hold onto grudges all day long. I wouldn't back down and give in. I would control the situation with my mood until H would say he was sorry...and he was always the first one to do it even if I knew I was wrong 
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