Hey Val....I'm sorry about the afternoon. I'm ashamed to say, I can relate to your H about the talking about things NOW, on MY time b/c I have this bizarre need to talk now even though it makes you uncomfortable or is a horrible time for you to talk.
I had to think about this. Why did I do it? What did I assume? I'm normally a very conflic-avoiding person and pretty respectful, so why this with H? Well, I had very little time with H during our M (his job), when I did have time, he was mostly moody, tired, and not in the frame to engage with me. So my frustrations took a back seat. I got sick of this. I ASSumed that he didn't care to make me priority. So, when I wanted to vent to H, I didn't care if it wasn't a good time, or if he needed time, I was sick of waiting....so I became irrational about it. His wanting space to me was his not caring. bad, bad bad.
Now, I believe that he cares. He reaches out to talk more, is more willing to do so, but we agree on when a good time is. I try to promise not to explode when we do talk. It's just a new cycle for us.
What are H's fears of needing to talk NOW?
Also, is there a way that you agree with him on ground rules of arguing? No name calling, no throwing things or anything physical? I'm sure you've done this, but he has to realize what a turn off that is and how it UNDOES 1 million good deeds.
