Following my heart....

[ValerieA]

Journaling:

I wanted to write about something negative (yuck!) that happened last night also, but it was getting late, so I decided to wait until today when I had the time. Anyway, here it goes...

The toilet in our hall bathroom went kaput last week, so H has been trying to fix it himself with some help from a friend over the phone. Well, H isn't exactly the handyman type , soooo....the problem still isn't fixed. He bought a new toilet but is having trouble putting it in.

Anyway, a long time friend of H's (I'll call him B) has just moved back from AZ. B moved there last year...perhaps the year before that...when he started working for (ex-boss) with H.

Well to get to the point, I used to like B. I thought he was a decent guy even though he slacked off quite a bit when it came to his responsibilities. He's always been very respectful of me, and I used to consider him a trustworthy friend. Yes, I used to.

I don't feel that way about B anymore though. He was the friend that was taking H out to the bars and picking up on women when H was in AZ on business.

I know it is not B's fault at all for what H did, but he did contribute by placing the temptation right in front of H's face.

Anyway, H wants B to come over here to my home so that he can pay him to fix the bathroom.

I am not cool with that at all. I do not want him in my home. He is not welcome here.

I explained this to H, told him everything like I just did here, and he said ok. He said he completely understood and didn't blame me for feeling this way. He asked me, "So B can't ever come over again then?" I said, "I don't know about ever, but just not now."

Well, that was Saturday. Sunday, H subtly pressed the issue...or at least tried to...a few times, then unfortunately, things turned bad. I thought I made myself clear when I said B wasn't welcome here, but H kept pushing it...saying that he was only trying to help B out (paying him to do some work around the house for us), and that it would help him out so he wouldn't have to call a contractor to do it who would probably charge him considerably more.

"Oh but that's fine, Valerie! I'll just call someone and pay for them to come in and take care of it. They'll overcharge me, but that's ok. Whatever makes you happy, Val."

I asked him why did he have to talk to me that way, and he said, "Because! You want to be your uppity, uptight self as usual! So that's why I'm talking like this! This is you! You did this!"

I said, "Well maybe I'm being uptight because you told me you understood about me not wanting B to be over here. You said you understood and you wouldn't ask again, but you did. Several times. You just had to keep pushing it when you knew how I felt. I feel like you're not respecting my wishes, H! You tell me ok, but then you're not ok with it, and if I don't budge, you get p*ssed at me! Then you run your mouth and make me feel like I caused all of this! Like this is all my fault!"

"Have a good night, Valerie. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I told him to do the same then we hung up.

(Sigh)......... .

I was thinking to myself last night that I should call him and apologize for not being very understanding of his side in this....He just wants to get the bathroom fixed, and B knows how to do that stuff....but it was really late, and I didn't want to wake him since he had to work at 6am this morning.

So I decided to wait until this morning after I took the kids to school to call him, but he beat me to it. H called while we were still sleeping and left a message saying that he was sorry for fighting with me last night. He doesn't want to argue with me. My feelings are more important than helping B out. He wished me a good day and said he would come by after work.

I called him back and had to leave a VM. I told him that I was sorry, too. I didn't want to argue either. I suggested that maybe he could come to the house with B to work on the bathroom, and if H would stay here with the boys, I would go out and have a little me time. Get a pedicure and maybe do some therapeutic windowshopping . This way, we both get what we want...H gets B to do the work, and I get a little R&R for a couple of hours. I told him to give me a call back when he gets the chance.

Lesson for today: Compromise.

Thanks for listening.