You're right. I should've just told H that it was really nice of him to think of me. I've told him in the past to just surprise me with whatever he wanted to get me, but I screwed that up, didn't I?
But it was the money. That's what made me do it.
He does control the finances, and I do have to ask for what we need except for when it's time to send out the bills. I have to add them up every month then I write a check to myself from his account so that I can deposit that money into my account to pay them. Since he's always working, it's my responsibility to make sure things get paid on time. We're both ok with this, BUT I also have to tell him what cost what every time. How much was PG&E, how much was the phone bill, water, everything....and the amount I write to myself BETTER equal what the bills are and that's it.
When I need to get groceries, I have to use the credit card to pay for them, and this is the only bill he takes care of on his own....BUT of course, he still comes to me with the statement every month and asks, "Ok...$65 spent at Target...What did you buy?.....Ok, $80 at Safeway....What did you get there?....$45 at Arco...uh, for gas...." It goes on and on.
If there's something I bought at Mervyn's or Macy's, it BETTER be something I needed. Doesn't matter what it is, I just better need it. Like a new pair of sneakers, undergarments, etc. He will let me buy an outfit or two every once in a while, and he does let me get my pedicure every two weeks. That's only $25 anyway. $30 with tip.
When I get together with family, if we all go out to eat or even if we get stuff to have a big BBQ, then I hear, "Who paid?" or "How much for you and the kids?"...meaning what, if any, did I spend. Lucky for me, I'm the baby, so I usually don't have to chip in. I try, but my sisters and parents won't let me. Hmmm....it could also be because they know how uptight H is with money.
So yeah.....that's how it is. Always has been. I know it shouldn't be this way, but it is what it is.
I can't help feeling guilty either.
I never ask for anything that I don't need except for when H asks what I'd like for a gift. I think the biggest thing I ever asked for was when I was pregnant with S6, and I knew we were going to need a bigger car. We had a 2-door sedan at that time. I told H I thought it would be nice if we had a 4-door. It would be easier getting the two boys in and out of.
Gotta go. H is here.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
