Following my heart....

[ValerieA]

Hi, cally ! Good to hear from you, and thanks for dropping in!

Wow sounds like him seeing that you are dating has made quite an impact. Maybe that is something he needed to see. The fact that you are willing to move on if he can't meet your needs.

Could be. He was (understandably) very upset with me at first and said he hoped I would find what I was looking for. Then after a few weeks, he changed his tune. H said something was telling him to "fix it" with me before it was too late. Ok, we're not religious people, but H and I do believe in God....he said he felt like God was talking to him....every now and then, he'd see things that would remind him of our times together....songs would play on the radio that made H think of me....he would see families doing family things together and think of us and the boys....H said hearing and seeing all of these "signs" felt like God was telling him to hurry and make it right.

You have every right to have wants and needs yourself.

This is something I frequently struggle with.

Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to have some fun. I feel like I shouldn't be going out and enjoying the company of others while H is out there busting his a** working.

But at the same time, it feels sooo good to be out with a man....having a nice dinner, catching a flick, spending a few hours in the city....It feels great to be paid attention to once again. It feels awesome to be with someone who makes me laugh and is always smiling.

I never feel bad while I'm on the date. It comes after. That's when I feel guilty because even though I'm S'ed, I am still M'ed.

My family, MIL, and SIL all know that I'm dating. They actually tell me that they don't blame me for wanting to go out and date. They say that I should be able to go out and enjoy myself. I do agree....but I still feel bad about it sometimes.

What kind of job did he get? Is it one just like he had before? Will he have to travel like this all the time?

I'm not sure what his job title is...he never really said (suppose I should ask )...but he works for a company that goes into refineries and flushes out their pipe systems with chemicals. Many different kinds of hazardous chemicals such as chlorine, lye, acids, etc....Not exactly what he wanted in a job, but it's a job.

This company he works for does various jobs across the country, so yes, that means more traveling for weeks at a time.

Anything can work if you work at it.

Are you sure about that? When there's constant traveling and time away from the family involved?

I don't know. I really don't.

He works 12-14 hour shifts and has been working for about 70 days straight now. He's had no time with the kids at all. Prior to these past few weeks, I'd say he spent about an hour or two each week with them. That's just not enough.

And after working all those hours each day, what time and energy would he have left for me? He'd come home, eat, sleep, then get up to go right back to work again.

I wasn't the least bit surprised when he said all the guys who work there are D'ed.

Maybe a good question to ask him is how would he be willing to change for this marriage to work? That would be a good question to ask him to see if he has been paying attention to what you have been telling him.

We've talked about this, and H says he understands that we would have to spend time together again....do all the things we did before and get that spark back. He says he really wants to do this.

But like I said, I don't see how it can happen if he's always working and he's always exhausted because of it.

(SIGH)....There is one last hope though. H still wants to try to get a job with Chevron, and they are hiring again in March. If he could get that job, then I could see us working on the R together again. He wouldn't have to work as much as he is right now, and he'd get a day or two off during the week.

That could work. That would be really good for us.

But not with the job he has now. It's too much like his last one. He's gone all the time again. Of course, I do not say anything to him about his work. I'm very supportive and tell him that I appreciate what he's out there doing for the boys and me. I tell him I know and understand that he's doing what he has to. He's a hard worker, and I've told him that I'm proud of him. I know that means a lot to H....to hear those things....and he thanks me.

Thanks again for the visit, cally, and thanks for listening.