Boy he is a tough nut to crack. I guess you need to analyze your situation yet again and maybe make more attempts to do a 180.
Does he still call and come over all the time? I remember he use to call you constamtly and would be mad if you didn't pick up the phone. So I am wondering if that has completely stopped. Or if you are still making yourself very available to him.
I know you asked him to call or to not just come over whenever. I am wondering if he has accepted this. You also said you were going to do a visitation of every other weekend. How is that going. If you have done all these things to 180 and he hasn't changed at all I am not sure what more you could do.
It could be he has such strong issues himself that maybe he just feels torn. It always seems like if he has any issues you are very angry or get upset about it. Please don't get mad I am just trying to show you a different perspective. Like the one where where he has told you several times he wanted you to work or that it was important to him. It seemed like you would get upset and he had to have seen that I am sure so then he tried to back down. But in truth if he even brought it up as an issue to begin with it is something that he thinks about. This is something I even talked to my husband about because it became an issue with us. He said it is hard to be the sole supporter of a family. You have a lot of worries and pressures. I don't think your husband didn't want your baby. I think he was just frustrated at the time because I think you mentioned his pregnancy came at a time when the other two were going to be both in school and he probably thought okay now we can both work. Then the pregnacy hit which started things back to where they were for a long time. But back to the sole supporter. My husband said he always respected me when I was SAHM but there were times of resentment also. For him he did respect that out house was always immaculant. His dinner was always cooked and his lunches packed. The kiddos are honor roll students and very smart. Because I always invested a lot of time with teaching them. I ran all errands and paid all our bills. He also said he respected that I was frugral with money with myself. I didn't do extravagent shopping or unnecessary things. I tried to save a buck wherever possible. I was just a lot more frugal because we were a one income family. But those were things he always said he respected and bragged about to everyone. But he said sometimes it would creep up that I did have an easier life. Didn't have to answer to a time clock and grueling work hours. Got to be in the comfort of our home. But he said once the kiddos got into school the resentment started to build big time and this became an issue for us. He started to have feelings of thinking I thought I was this princess that didn't want to work. That I wanted to just be supported all my life.
I am working now and I can tell you I have learned to even respect him more for all those years he worked hard for us and never complained. Because it is much tougher to be a mom and also work in addition. It's a whole different world. Don;t get me worng I do enjoy it. But it adds a whole new dimension of stress to my life that wasn't there before every now and then.
I guess my point is to also look deeply to what any of his issues are. If you want to make your marriage work you can't ignore that he may have issues as well. He may be at this point where he feels you don't care what his issues are so why should he work even harder to meet your needs. He could be thinking he is doing all he should because he is being a great dad and also supporting the family still instead of walking away. I know there are a lot of difficult things with your situation. Ones that you have EVERY right to be ticked off about. Alot of words said and actions done. I am just saying if deep down you want to make it work you have to start also looking at your own flaws. That is the most difficult task of all. Believe me I know first hand because it is the point i am at now. Even try to look at the small positives when you see them. Like he could walk away completely money and all and wait till you fight him in court for it whcih splitting assests could take awhile. Sure child support would be awarded right away. But what if he did this tomorrow and it meant you had to get a job and do it alone. So a small posive would be that he has supported you and the boys fully so that your lifestyle wouldn't change at all. Another positive is that it sounds like he has been a really really great dad. It sounds like he takes them and spends money doing things with them and really enjoys being with them. Let me tell you that is a real plus compared to a lot of dads out there. Some have the philospohy that they pay their child support so why do anything else. He is doing these extra things with supporting your life style as well as his lifestyle being outside the home.
There has got to be a reason he completely changed. And a reason that he is reluctant to try. I am just trying to make you aware he could have issues built up inside him also.
I guess you need to analyze your situation yet again and maybe make more attempts to do a 180.
It always seems like if he has any issues you are very angry or get upset about it. Please don't get mad I am just trying to show you a different perspective. Like the one where where he has told you several times he wanted you to work or that it was important to him. It seemed like you would get upset and he had to have seen that I am sure so then he tried to back down. But in truth if he even brought it up as an issue to begin with it is something that he thinks about. This is something I even talked to my husband about because it became an issue with us. He said it is hard to be the sole supporter of a family. You have a lot of worries and pressures. I don't think your husband didn't want your baby. I think he was just frustrated at the time because I think you mentioned his pregnancy came at a time when the other two were going to be both in school and he probably thought okay now we can both work. Then the pregnacy hit which started things back to where they were for a long time. But back to the sole supporter. My husband said he always respected me when I was SAHM but there were times of resentment also. For him he did respect that out house was always immaculant. His dinner was always cooked and his lunches packed. The kiddos are honor roll students and very smart. Because I always invested a lot of time with teaching them. I ran all errands and paid all our bills. He also said he respected that I was frugral with money with myself. I didn't do extravagent shopping or unnecessary things. I tried to save a buck wherever possible. I was just a lot more frugal because we were a one income family. But those were things he always said he respected and bragged about to everyone. But he said sometimes it would creep up that I did have an easier life. Didn't have to answer to a time clock and grueling work hours. Got to be in the comfort of our home. But he said once the kiddos got into school the resentment started to build big time and this became an issue for us. He started to have feelings of thinking I thought I was this princess that didn't want to work. That I wanted to just be supported all my life.
Another positive is that it sounds like he has been a really really great dad. 
It sounds like he takes them and spends money doing things with them and really enjoys being with them. Let me tell you that is a real plus compared to a lot of dads out there. Some have the philospohy that they pay their child support so why do anything else. He is doing these extra things with supporting your life style as well as his lifestyle being outside the home.
