Following my heart....

[ValerieA]

Journaling:

Ready for some venting? Not the angry kind though....disappointment.

This was H's weekend to have the kids. Well, I had worked out with my parents for them to watch S1 for the weekend so H could take the other two to do things without the baby since he can only last so long when out-and-about.

Anyway, somehow MIL had S9 and S6 last night and the night before....so evidently, H was child-free except for today....Ok, whatever.

I guess the way I see it is this -- he was free, I was free (and he knew this)....did H make any attempt to do something....ANYTHING....with me at all???

NO.

You know what he did?...That's right...he went out to play cards.

After telling him to "court" and "romance" me, and he even said he wanted to do this,....nothing. NOTHING.

I'm getting really tired of being patient. I'm getting really tired of waiting for him to come around.

This weekend was another perfect opportunity for him to do something with me....yet, once again, he chose to do different....and I know it's not me. It's him. The question is though...Do I want him?

I sit here shaking my head "no"....feeling those feelings I had pre-bomb when I was feeling alone, neglected, and shut out from his life.

I'm not sad about it though...just disappointed...and this all makes me believe even more that it will not be better.

When I spoke with H a few days ago, he told me that (mf) wants to start dating again, and he feels that he can't do that with H living there...so H said to me, "I may have to move in sooner...or you can just let me move into the garage."

I don't think so!

Over the last couple of months, I've gone out with some of my girlfriends to a few local hot spots, and I've been fortunate enough to receive some very nice attention from some men. Just mostly "hello"s and "how are you"s...but anyway, it was nice. The attention was really nice.

That's what I miss...I miss that feeling of being "interesting" to someone else...being sought after.

I know H gives me some attention, too, but I don't feel it's enough....and I'm sorry for saying this, but the attention I've received from others is much more appealing to me compared to what little I've had from H.

I know I can't control him and what he does or doesn't do, but like I said...he HAD another perfect opportunity to do something with me this weekend...and didn't.

Thanks for listening.