I called H last night to see how testing went for him. He said it was really tough, but he thinks he did good. If he doesn't get a phone call on Monday (they'll call here), then that means he didn't make it.
Still have my fingers crossed for him .
Anyway, I know I said I would leave the door open for him, but I just feel like I'm in this "funk" right now...where I'm so sure that it couldn't be better for us. I've been feeling this way since H said "ILY" the other night, and I couldn't say it in return.....I remember when I was waiting to hear those words from him again in the beginning of this mess....and now....well, they mean almost nothing to me. They tell me he cares...I KNOW that...but nothing more.
Sometimes I wonder if leaving the door open is a mistake itself. Sometimes I truly believe that I have totally detached from H and the M, and if I just went along with things for the sake of my boys...well, I think I'd be making a big mistake. I'm afraid that I won't be in the M emotionally and mentally.
(Sigh)...
I want to be loved....I want to feel love again...but I can't seem to feel it with H...and maybe I've reached a point where I don't want to.
Thanks for listening.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
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