Well this all explains why the young ones are attracted to me...I must be excreting sexual deprivation...that's it!! I'm 42...and I can honestly vouch for the sexual prime...mine started when I met Dave when I was 37...so perhaps a bit late in the game.
KDU you got some wonderful insight there...and I think I did too since we really are in the same boat now. I sit back and I wonder if my therapist was right when she said that one day I would outgrow him. A friend tonight said I had...I had outgrown him a long time ago and didn't realize it. But he had. He even told me when we had our talk that he thought I was miserable. Maybe I was. It's hard for me to see it now since I started DBing, I keep looking at the good in him, the love in him. When I detach I find it now easier to see perhaps the unhappiness, the frustration and perhaps yes even some misery. It was tough...watching him go down hill and trying to help him back up and not being able to. He went through something similar to your H. Why do catastrophes/traumatic events do this to some people? You have to wonder what it is that they are lacking (not necessarily the right word) to cause them to be unable to deal with difficult situations and to make them try to escape.
