OC thanks for dropping by and I know what you are saying as that is what I am trying to work out at the moment.
Was he a good and honorable man who became doubtful with himself, his marriage, and his life?
I believe he was all of that up until he found out some devastating news to do with his family, it was not long after this all came to light that he started his affair. I would have to say over the past 3 years I had found him to become selfish and self centered but at the time I didn't know about the affair and sort of put it down to other things. Now that I know he was having his A for 3 years I think it was b/c he resented having to answer to me and not being able to find much time to get out and see OW. He even admits to that now.
and you ignored numerous "red flags" and made excuses for his behavior earlier in the marriage..
As I said above I don't think i ignored red flags earlier, everyone loved my H, everyone thought he was a really sweet guy who would do anything for anyone so no I think I can safely say it has only been over the last few years.
Thanks OC for making me think of those things and some of them I am still trying to work out hence why I have detached alot and just waiting to see what happens. When I am sure of myself I will make the necessary decision. If I can have my old H back then we have a chance but if he has changed for good and is going to stay like that then I know it will not be me that can cope with that and it will be time for us both to move on.
Time will tell I guess but if I was really honest I think I am closer to ending it than I am to fixing it, but again I am reserving my judgement as I am not quite ready to pull the pin just yet, that way when I am I will know I did everything I could and I gave him plenty of time. When this reaches Feb next year which will be 12mths since he walked out I would hope to have come to a decision.....
Again thanks so much for making me think and voice this part of my R as it does help us to keep focused and you are good at pointing that stuff out. Have a great weekend....Kim
