Hi! Kim....Seems like you are doing fine, and detaching. I think the key thing is to continue to find time to GAL in the midst of rebuilding your M. I think if we "lose" ourselves to accommodate our H, the M will revert back to the "trouble" stages? Don't know if I am making sense. Maybe I should just shut up...since I have been so yoyo-ing...
I am really starting to detach I think so this is very interesting at the moment and I have no idea where it is going to lead me
I think the detaching is a very good thing in your sitch. You sound very strong right now and seem to know what you want. I have found that detaching is good and yet for me I question myself "Am I really in love with my H?" It seems that I was working on myself to please H b/c of all the "bad" that I've done in my M. Now that I've grown and learned a lot about myself and become a stronger woman I don't see H in the same light. I've changed for the better but he hasn't.
Just not as young as I used to be.
LOL!! I know what you mean. I need at least 2 full days to recoop!
Glad to hear that H is going to the doc about his depression and will be getting the treatment he needs.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
BB If you get all detached and H gets desperate to win you back, you know where to send him! We'll get him all DB'ed up.
I wish it were that easy, I really do!!!!!
Beth Not getting caught up in H's drama! Going slow and taking advantage of time! Keep it up WW!
Thanks Beth and I intend to keep it up, H's drama's are his to deal with after 9 months it's time to "build a bridge" (and get over it)
Kismet I hope that you get something concrete from H's dr's appointment.
Yes I will fill you in on that in a moment when I update.
Yoyo I think if we "lose" ourselves to accommodate our H, the M will revert back to the "trouble" stages? Don't know if I am making sense. Maybe I should just shut up...since I have been so yoyo-ing...
Never say you should shut up Yoyo, O.K. so your sitch might not be ideal but it doesn't mean you can't see someone else's sitch through different eyes. It's always harder when we are living it. For the record I agree with you 100%.
Kdk and yet for me I question myself "Am I really in love with my H?" It seems that I was working on myself to please H b/c of all the "bad" that I've done in my M. Now that I've grown and learned a lot about myself and become a stronger woman I don't see H in the same light. I've changed for the better but he hasn't
I do know what you mean by this comment. I will add one thing to that though I have realised I wasn't to blame for as much as H thought and I have now pointed that out to him. I still took the blame for things I did wrong but not things he had twisted in his head and blamed me for. I too have become a stronger woman - alone and I really do not know if H is the type of person I wish to be with any longer so I am standing back and working that out at the moment...
Now for an update.....
I took H to the Doc's on Tuesday night and we went over everything with the Doctor that has happened over the past 3 years or so....His family's revelations about his Dad, his affair beginning just after that, him leaving in Feb and all the goings on since Feb, like back and forwards, blah blah blah......Then we explained that H was feeling very much like he just wanted to lock himself away and just go to work to survive and then go home and lock himself away from everyone till he had to go to work next. That he was always tired and very edgy. The Doc agreed that it was signs of depression so put him on some Anti-Depressants and said he would review him in 6 weeks or thereabouts as it often takes that long for them to kick in and start working. He also said to H that if things were not alot better around that time that he would recommend a psychiatrist as it was a lot he was trying to deal with.
When we left the doc's H said to me oh well looks like you are going to have to have more patience to see what happens to us if these meds are going to take around 6 weeks to work. I just said "Mmmm I guess 6 weeks isn't much difference to 4 and we are talking about our future so we will see further down the track."
H then basically dropped me home gave me a kiss goodbye as he was tired and needed to get home. I said that was fine as I was having an early night anyhow and that I was busy with Volleyball the next night so I would catch him later in the week.
H then rang yesterday at work just to say hi and for no other reason so we chatted about not much and then said our goodbyes.
It's funny b/c I really am not missing spending time with him. Like I have said before it is so much easier to detach when they are not in your face or around you very much. Not that I should overly be detaching but I am happy to keep my distance at the moment and see if the meds make a difference, that way if they don't I will be half way there and it will be easier to end our R once and for all.
I know that does not sound very good but at the moment he is not someone I want to be with, he is selfish, self centered and worries only about himself, he is so different to me. I live to make others happy, I enjoy doing it and I enjoyed being appreciated for it, but he shows no appreciation of me or love or affection so what is there to like. I don't know if he was always like this and I was living behind a blindfold or if he has become this way and I am seeing or realising it for the first time but I do know I do not really like who he is now so the less time with him the better or he will kill all my feelings for him.
I am in such a limbo as I am not prepared to close the door completely yet but boy am I close. Personally at the moment I can't see us working and that would be my choice but I am prepared to see this through and see if these meds relax him a little if so well I will keep going but if not then it's a matter of time.
On a lighter note I am going to get out the Christmas decorations tonight and put the tree up being the 1st December and then this weekend we can all decorate the outside of the house. I love it b/c every year we discover the item I bought at the after Christmas sales when it was 50% off so it's like having a new thing each Christmas but it sits in the shed for nearly a year b4 it is used. LOL.
Anyhow I love setting up the lights outside and my moving ornament and Candy canes etc.....we are not as big as the Griswalds yet but hey another couple of years...no it is still tasteful and not overdone but it does make you feel good when everything is on and you drive in the drive at night. (The part I hate the most is when there is a globe blown and it takes a whole day to get it all out and up just for 25days but its worth it)
O.K. that's me done for now can't see I will have a whole lot more to say over the next couple of days, just plodding along but if I do you will all be the first to hear about it....I am waiting at the moment for one of my best friends (I have 2 best pals) to go into labour b/c she has asked me to be a birthing partner with her H, so I am looking forward to that...I think .....anyhow I can't make lots of plans at the moment as she is due next Wednesday and this is her 5th child and all the other's she has been about a week early so it could be any day.......till later....KDU
Good news about H getting on the ads. Lets hope they help him.
I too have become a stronger woman - alone and I really do not know if H is the type of person I wish to be with any longer so I am standing back and working that out at the moment...
Its scary isn't it. All the energy you put into something that you were certain you wanted and were prepared to move heaven and earth to get. And then you get stronger, and think about it and reassess everything.
Kim I think it is a really positive thing that you are reassessing things. It would be so easy to think, yes we will get back together and everything will be rosy. But the reality is unless you address the issues, they will still be there, and will raise their ugly heads somewhere down the track.
Your Christmas decorations sound great. It is a lot of work ~ but it will be worth it.
I can so relate to this...when I started Therapy...she told me that one day she was convinced that I would outgrow Dave and look back and wonder what I was doing with him...maybe she should have been a fortune teller...because lately that is what my head is telling me...that we are just going in two different directions and that I have grown so much in the past couple of months. I can totally relate honey...
But it doesn't mean we don't love them, that we haven't given up on the chance to reconcile...but at the same time we really have drifted apart from them. I guess that is why they say you start a whole new R with them.
Hi there. I wanted to say that I am interested in how the ad's help your H. I am positive my H. needs antidepressants. Last week during a big talk, he looked at me and told me he thought he needed them, but would never be allowed to take them due to the nature of his job(s). I don't like to think of them as magic pills, but I do think him being on meds would greatly improve our situation.
I enjoyed reading about your holiday decorating. I am debating getting a tree this year. I'd like to ask H. to help me get one and put it up; not sure. I hope you had fun putting up yours tonight.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I am in such a limbo as I am not prepared to close the door completely yet but boy am I close. Personally at the moment I can't see us working and that would be my choice but I am prepared to see this through and see if these meds relax him a little if so well I will keep going but if not then it's a matter of time.
That sounds good, Kim. Really, really good. Hang on to that, okay doll? I know limbo sucks, but if you release yourself from having to make things one way or another way, you can make it livable for awhile. Hopefully, for long enough.
Good luck with the Christmas decorating!
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
.....anyhow I can't make lots of plans at the moment as she is due next Wednesday and this is her 5th child and all the other's she has been about a week early so it could be any day.......till later....KDU 
