If the doc says he is not depressed then it may be time for me to take a good look at him and see if he is still the person I want to be with. KDU, your H sounds as if he might be suffering from depression. Just what he said sounds like what my H has said about his depression and their actions defy reality!
I don't know if I am expected too much from him or not but I do know what I now want from a partner and I am not prepared to put what I want in the background, compromise is one thing but to squash my needs totally will not serve me any good. I think I still love H, but I am now wondering if I am in love with him anymore....(Sounds like the WAS)... You have done so well DBing KDU. I'm not sure if I've ever replied on your thread or not, but you've been someone who's inspired me when I wanted to quit. One of the things that impresses me about you is that you've been patient with your H, but taken care of yourself too along the way and become stronger.
You are totally right about not squashing your needs! Stick with that frame of mind I think it's OK if you dont feel "in love" with your H at the moment. How can we have romantic feelings and be crazy about them when they're acting like such jerks? Remaining loving and supportive is difficult in these sitchs and it might just be the best we can do. The intimacy and closeness we've lost can be re-built when there's a stable R and person that makes us feel safe enough to do that with.
When H was first diagnosed with dep, I felt great relief. The meds worked and things were getting better. What I hadn't counted on though is that H's way of dealing with probs and his behavior is a major contributor to his dep and those things are very hard to change. I guess I'm telling you this to say be careful, and maintain what you've gained for yourself whatever the Dr. says about your H. Not to lack compassion, but because diagnosis doesnt always lead to a willingness or ability to change and get better and it's SO easy to get dragged into that dark place with a dep S and think the cure that will bring our H back is just around the corner. Whatever must be done, they have to do themselves and the best we can do is be supportive and understanding.
I think it's OK if you dont feel "in love" with your H at the moment. How can we have romantic feelings and be crazy about them when they're acting like such jerks? Remaining loving and supportive is difficult in these sitchs and it might just be the best we can do. The intimacy and closeness we've lost can be re-built when there's a stable R and person that makes us feel safe enough to do that with. 