amd - Thanks for dropping by. I have no idea why the OP thinks they have a different set of rules, s'pose it comes from having never been the OP...and never wanting to be... You are right about the mobile but we are making baby steps but don't worry that will be one of the things he will have to do in the near future.....
BB, Yes i would say he has more time for the kids now. Which is good. OW I am sure is not finished yet, remember she swore she would bed him again, b/c she can, I tell you if that happens and i find out about it, she can have H as I will never forgive him again.
Once is a mistake.....maybe....twice that is divorce......
H does seems to be getting along alot better with my S17, I must say which is a lovely change as S17 was very very let down by him when it was revealed there was an OP. They seem to get along better now than they ever have, I think that's b/c S17 has all of a sudden got a lot older in his acions so this may have something to do with it.
I am still keeping my fingers crossed that H and I work it out but at the moment I would still be O.K. if we couldn't work this out. So it is still one day at a time and little baby steps until we work it out or one of us can't do it anymore. I will admit I am always wondering where he is and what is he doing but I don't ask too many questions and go with the flow a little.
So we will see..
He came over last night and we went to gym and then he came back for dinner. We sat together on the couch and watched some T.V. shows until 10.30 and then I said he better get going home as i needed to go to bed...hehe can't be too easy can I. ....KDU
KDU - Glad that things are progressing well in your sitch. Good on you with your willpower on the stuff. LOL. Don't think that I would be able to...Or am I deliberately use that as a kind connection?? LOL Don't think that I can offer much other than support...
Hi guys here I am, I wish Kismet and I were basking in the sun with Cabana Boys that would be way cool.
I haven't posted all that much as for awhile there wasn't too much to say really as we have just been plodding along. I have been posting on other's threads though so I haven't really been A.W.O.L and I also don't want to post just for the sake of posting when there isn't much to say. I like trying to be there for others though......
Update:
As I said nothing much had been happening. H and I have been seeing each other but it's not all hearts and roses and just seems to be comfortable at the moment. Am I happy with that???? Mmmmm I don't really know. I guess part of me would have thought he would fall over himself a bit in trying to make me know that he was serious about us and that he was really sorry about all that he has done but maybe he doesn't feel the need to do that. Maybe I don't have a right to expect him to do that. I am a romantic, H never has been so knowing that I am trying not to make a mountain out of a molehill and trying to not let it become something that bothers me.
Friday night we went out with another couple and had a good night and he stayed at my place. He had to work at Mornington Races Saturday as Security so he was coming back that night. I had my male friend "Jarrod" over for a drink and we cooked burgers for the us and the kids for tea when H got back from the races. About 10pm they asked me if I wanted to go the pub for awhile, which we did and that was all fine and H and I left at about 12.
We went home, H heated up some left overs and I got S9's gear together as H was taking him home to sleep to give me a clear run on Sunday as I was hosting a "Baby Shower" for one of my girlfriends.
H went into my room to get his clothes together when S9 walked in holding a Ninetendo game and Power Pak and H said you don't need the Power Pak I have one. S9 is never one to listen until about the 3rd time so H said it again but was very agitated this time and used a few expletives. S9 still argued and H cracked it, he punched my bed (the mattress), stormed into the kitchen muttering, No wonder I fu##ing left this place, the fu##ing kids drive me nuts. (WTF) I said "I beg your pardon" H: "You heard me" Me: "I don't really understand why that has got you so worked up" H: "What do you fu##ing expect, they never listen, I have watched them all over the last few weeks and they just walk all over you and take forever to do what you ask" Me: "O.K. that may or may not be true but I really think you are over reacting" H: "You would" Me: "Look you are obviously tired from working or something but you are definately tense, why don't you leave S9 here with me tonight and pick him up in the morning" H: "No I said I would have him and I will he is my S after all" Me: "Nobody has ever said any different, I just thought you might like to unwind tonight on your own. H pretty much left then with S9.
I was so pi$$ed off. I couldn't believe he had reacted like this over nothing. I cracked it and went back down the pub to Jarrod and had a chat to him and then rang H to make sure he had got home safely. H: Hello Me: Hi, just checking you and S9 got home safely H: Yeah we got home safely, everything is O.K. M: Good thats all I rang for, Bye AND I HUNG UP.
He sounded sheepish (as he should) about 1/2 hour later I texted, "We need to talk tomorrow, very disappointed with tonight, dont understand, maybe you are not cut out for family life, c u tomorrow". That was it and about an hour later I went home.
The next day I worked my butt off getting all the food and decorating done and then hosted the "Baby Shower" which all seemed to go very well.
After doing tea for the kids, I then went to H's Caravan, he opened the door and asked me in and if I wanted a coffee. Once coffee's were made our Convo went something like this: H: Look I am so sorry about last night, I was way out of line and behaved really badly, I just wanted you to know that. Me: Yes you did act badly and it really surprised me, I will accept your apology but do wish to talk about it a bit more. H: Yeah that's fine, what did you want to know. Me: It's not that I really want to know anything, I want you to understand a few things. H: Go on Me: Well you whinged about the kids and their behaviour. Firstly, Daniel is 17, I always know where he is and what he is doing, he is responsible and good company, he could be out doing drugs or alcohol but he is not, that in itself is an achievement. Secondly he takes S9 to school and home from school every day without complaint, you don't see that. Most things I ask him to do he does, yes he may have a smart remark to make but mostly that is him just being sarcastic and I know that and he knows I know that. He can be lazy alot of the time and it often takes 5 times nagging at him to do something before he does it but that is pretty natural with kids of all ages. He is also the one that does the most around the house. H: "Look I know, I said I was out of line" Me: "Yes I know you did but it is nothing you haven't mentioned before even when we were together" H: "Yeah I suppose" Me: "Look we do things a bit differently since you have been gone, it's been 8 months nearly 9 and we haven't had to listen to people losing their cool like you did on Saturday and really none of us want that in our lives. H: "I don't either" Me: "Well that's good, but it concerns me b/c you were able to have these sorts of outbursts before too." H: "Yes I know but I don't like them either" Me: "Well maybe it is time for you to see a C, about your M, about your family, about everything you have done in your life recently and as a kid. Time to get it all out to someone who never has to meet anyone you know, you can say what you want and the C will not judge you but they will be able to help you get it all off your chest and give you ways to cope. H: "yeah maybe you are right, I will give it some thought" Me: "Good now give me a kiss, I have to go"
H kissed me and walked me to my car and all was fine again...
I must say this is no easy road and it ain't hearts and flowers, there are so many issues and I sometimes wonder if I have the strength as I feel like I do all the hard work and he just takes it all forgranted. Oh well my problem guess I will work it out in time.
So there is my update not real exciting but nonetheless it is the truth....those Cabana Boys make me wonder mmmmm
Anyhow will update again soon, when there is something worth saying otherwise no news is good news or means things haven't changed any.....KDU
Kim, I can't believe you would question your strength here. Look at what you did: you laid it out there for H without personalizing anything,you told him clearly what his responsibilites are in this situation, and you totally kept your cool. How awesome is that?! And to top it all off, he accepted what you said because you were so calm and matter of fact about it, and it was OK afterwards.
Michelle tells us that rebuilding the M will not happen overnight. It's a process that takes time. You're doing really well and seeing success. Keep doing what you're doing and be patient.
I think you handled the situation gracefully, lovingly and still stated what you felt you needed to say...I will be so closely following your threads as I am now friends again with Dave...so will look foward to all your insight and wisdom oh Great Wonder Woman you...but dammmit...save some of the Cabana Boys for me...it's been awhile down here don't want them coming all worn out and exhausted!!
Big hugs my friend...you are right it isn't hearts and flowers but you know what it's real...it's you and him...and he's there...he's trying...I have great faith here...
....KDU 
Treat 'em mean ~ keep 'em keen! 
Don't think that I can offer much other than support... 
