You sound great, Kim. I'm glad you're trusting him more, even when you don't have to. I think you can do that because you're stronger now. If you give him your trust and he later proves he didn't deserve it, you know you can handle the pain and move on.
Meantime, though, I still do think he's doing pretty well. If he continues to show this kind of responsibility toward your feelings, are you thinking about sitting him down and trying to get him to talk about what the two of you want in a M? I'm not suggesting this is something to be tried soon. But I think eventually you'll want to do it so you can find out if he's willing to start meeting the needs you're going to have, especially now that you're not hellbent on getting him back. There needs to be some sort of slow transition to where you're both working to keep the other involved in your R.
I hope he can keep his head as your R regrows. I want to respect him for all the work he's going to have done to keep a Wonder Woman in his life!
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Sounds like things are going well. Expect ups and downs but I think you know they will be there and you have the strength to handle them.
You can address counseling with him as things move along and you see him investing more in the M. I think it will be a safe place where you can explore what you each want and need in your M.
Keep it going, Wonder Woman!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Hey Kim, sounds like things are going well with you. I thought that OW had resigned from work? When she did that little tantrum hinting that she was going to top herself.
Seems like H is walking the walk by leaving his mobile out for you. Good to see that you aren't peeking. That must be soooo tempting.
Beth, yes the counselling thing will hopefully happen but I don't want to push him too hard. We are making progress and I need to be grateful for his behaviour so far but little by little I am hoping we will get to that point.
BB you make me smile (Wonder Woman) Oooh look it's WW what I could make out of that would be worse than BB....hehehe .....What a Wanker, Whinging Warthog, oh hang on they all refer to the WAS's...hahaha we will stick to Wonder Woman....I am slowly trying to talk about what we both want from our R. I have heaps I could say b/c in case you hadn't gathered I love to chat. I love having conversations and working through things but my H never has been a good talker. He doesn't say alot at all and it has always been me dragging answers out of him. I have told him that I wont do that anymore but that he needs to meet me in the middle b/c we are opposites in that area. I have told him I want us to be open and honest from the start and if I do something that annoys him he is to tell me nicely and see if I can understand and I will do the same with him.
This I believe would lead to a healthy R, I would love to have a partner who would sit and chat about anything and everything with me, someone I could have great conversations with but I am realistic enough to know that will not be my H. I have to just hope he will speak a bit more than he used to. Doesn't sound overly healthy does it.... Oh well baby steps is all we can do.....
I must say being in a R with my H before was sheer hard work b/c we are so different and I have had to realise that my expectations of him were unrealistic. I am a true girly girl, who likes to be romanced and openly showed love, it doesn't have to cost money just nice simple thoughtful gestures but my H has never really done that. Whereas I am content to sit on the couch and rub his head, or back or leg and that is closeness to me, I will run him a bath with candles if he has had a bad day or if his body is sore, so I guess I am a giver and in an ideal world he would do all that for me too but he never has and I doubt he ever will but I cannot believe how much I missed him when he wasn't around so he must give me something.....
I cannot expect him to be someone he is not able to be. So I either accept him the way he is or I don't and that is my choice I guess. Time will tell. It's funny how much work us LBS's have to put in I tell you but I guess there is always one that does that more in any R.
I am silly enough to have fairy tales ideals about R's but we all know fairy tales are make believe, I just have to remember that......
Thanks for your words guys and I hope my post hasn't come across as regretful it is not meant to be I am just being honest. I find my waffling on here sometimes it makes me remember where my head is at and makes me deal with some of my own problems, like too higher expectations sometimes. So I guess it levels me out a bit, still a work in progress and will be for a fair while to come yet as there really is so much to sort out but hopefully we get there......KDU
Oooh look it's WW what I could make out of that would be worse than BB....hehehe
Hey Kim what about wild/wacky/wicked/wonderful wench? A BF from years gone by used to refer to me as his wench. My feminist side used to object to it, but secretly I loved it.
Something so wicked about that word!
Kim have you read "Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus"? It has some great insights into the different ways men and women relate. I thought it may be helpful esp if H is not the talkative type.
Stay Strong WW (you choose which variety ~ personally I think I am adopting Wonder Wench )
I like Wonder Wench. Although, with the lack of any sexual activity in my life I could hardly call myself a wench. Is there a more celibate term? Amazing Abstinence Girl? Not quite the same. I'll stick with Wonder Woman.
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Wench Mmmmm depends on the content it is said in. Hey Beth what about BornAgainBeth (for born again virgin )
Little Update: H is working here today not much to report except OW texted his mobile when he got to office just to say something along the lines of: Hope you are enjoying your time with your Bushpig of a wife you deserve each other..... So nice isn't she....hard to believe a 51yr old woman can play such childish games she has serious issues.
H just ignored it and said it is starting to really annoy him.....maybe it's time to suggest the idea of getting a new mobile number......will think about that....
No messages to my phone...goddamn...no really it is a good thing as I would probably reply....
H has rung me the last 2 nights and once during the day just to say hi and he is coming over tonight as when he finishes work he is going to Cricket Practise with our S9 and then bringing him home and will stay for dinner.
KDU - Glad that things are going well in your sitch. I am soooo envious. I am not doing that well...if you see from my thread... Well, better not let my moods drag you down.
I read in "Surviving an Affair" that changing phone numbers is a must. That may not always be true, but in this case it sounds like a great solution. What gives the OPs the idea that they are entitled to anything? That's rhetorical, of course.
You're doing so well, Kim. I've been lurking around here, and I see how far you've come. It gives me a lot of hope. Keep going!
So nice isn't she....hard to believe a 51yr old woman can play such childish games she has serious issues.
Yes, that's sad. I'm glad H woke up before he got into something really ugly and messy. And I'm even more glad she's leaving you alone (at least for now). Maybe there's a little hope for her.
And it looks like H is doing more with the kids since he's started thinking about working things out. Would you say that's true?
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
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