Beth, yes the counselling thing will hopefully happen but I don't want to push him too hard. We are making progress and I need to be grateful for his behaviour so far but little by little I am hoping we will get to that point.
BB you make me smile (Wonder Woman) Oooh look it's WW what I could make out of that would be worse than BB....hehehe .....What a Wanker, Whinging Warthog, oh hang on they all refer to the WAS's...hahaha we will stick to Wonder Woman....I am slowly trying to talk about what we both want from our R. I have heaps I could say b/c in case you hadn't gathered I love to chat. I love having conversations and working through things but my H never has been a good talker. He doesn't say alot at all and it has always been me dragging answers out of him. I have told him that I wont do that anymore but that he needs to meet me in the middle b/c we are opposites in that area. I have told him I want us to be open and honest from the start and if I do something that annoys him he is to tell me nicely and see if I can understand and I will do the same with him.
This I believe would lead to a healthy R, I would love to have a partner who would sit and chat about anything and everything with me, someone I could have great conversations with but I am realistic enough to know that will not be my H. I have to just hope he will speak a bit more than he used to. Doesn't sound overly healthy does it.... Oh well baby steps is all we can do.....
I must say being in a R with my H before was sheer hard work b/c we are so different and I have had to realise that my expectations of him were unrealistic. I am a true girly girl, who likes to be romanced and openly showed love, it doesn't have to cost money just nice simple thoughtful gestures but my H has never really done that. Whereas I am content to sit on the couch and rub his head, or back or leg and that is closeness to me, I will run him a bath with candles if he has had a bad day or if his body is sore, so I guess I am a giver and in an ideal world he would do all that for me too but he never has and I doubt he ever will but I cannot believe how much I missed him when he wasn't around so he must give me something.....
I cannot expect him to be someone he is not able to be. So I either accept him the way he is or I don't and that is my choice I guess. Time will tell. It's funny how much work us LBS's have to put in I tell you but I guess there is always one that does that more in any R.
I am silly enough to have fairy tales ideals about R's but we all know fairy tales are make believe, I just have to remember that......
Thanks for your words guys and I hope my post hasn't come across as regretful it is not meant to be I am just being honest. I find my waffling on here sometimes it makes me remember where my head is at and makes me deal with some of my own problems, like too higher expectations sometimes. So I guess it levels me out a bit, still a work in progress and will be for a fair while to come yet as there really is so much to sort out but hopefully we get there......KDU
