Yesterday, I had the worst depression ever! I mean I was all about doom and gloom. I called my mom and she told me that maybe I need anti-depressants. She was actually crying and saying that she can't stand me like this. She eventually came over and my day got a lot better. I eventually realized once again that it is all my state of mind (along with some crappy circumstances).
One thing that helped me was coming on here on reading your posts and also Gabriel's advice to you. Yes, your situation does stink badly, however; maybe you should try to make some small changes in your life. I spend a lot of time on the computer and my mom explained that it probably adds to the depression. I know you do this also. Maybe you should shut the computer down for a few days and make yourself do other things. Also, I work and I am so happy on those days. It is the weekends that really stink. I know you don't work out of the house. Is there any way you could? I went two years without working after the bomb and now that I am working, I wish I would have done it so much sooner.
For me, being useful and doing daily duties is so important. It feels good being out in the world and contributing to society. Plus, I love getting a paycheck even though it isn't much!! For me, it isn't enough to be keeping busy with volunteering and homemaking type stuff. There is something about working a job, having to do your best to make your bosses proud and then getting paid for the work you do. I have owned my own business and not had bosses. Being your own boss is great, but I can now see the benefit of having to be on your toes and working hard to please the one who writes your check.
Just some things to think about. I have been praying for you. I hate when I read the torment you are enduring. I know how bad it can hurt even though you have probably endured more. Take care.
