Well, Andy and the kids came round about 4 o clock. DD2 gave me a Christmas card, so I got the cards out that I'd written and gave them out to all my DD's and Andy (I write each DD their own separate card and Andy his own card. This year I just put 'from Jo' instead of love, with no kiss).
They got all excited. I didn't expect them to be so pleased with a few cards.
I showed Andy my book and he stood there flicking through it, then turned it over and saw Gabriel's review on the back. Then he said 'Trust a psychologist to review your book.' I told him that I didn't know Gabe was a psychologist when we 'met'. He said 'Gabriel', kind of rolling the word off his tongue slowly and smirking. Then DD1 cut in and asked 'Is Gabriel a man, then?' - pointed question, I thought. I said yes. Andy said 'No, he's a girl, it might be Gabrielle.' I laughed and said 'No, Gabe is definitely NOT a girl.' He kinda looked at me, smirking, and sat down at my desk. I said 'He's a friend, he's nice. He works at this university and he's been on TV, profiling murderers.' He did the eyes-to-Heaven thing and said 'Lovely' (sarcasm).
I detected a hint of jealousy and Gabriel, we've not even met yet! I apologise, though, for him calling you a girl.
I told him I've had invites to America from 3 different people and I'd really love to go and see the country again and the culture and that I loved Florida last time I lived there and it would just be a great experience for me.
He got this sad, uncomfortable look in his eyes and was looking the other way, not maintaining eye contact. Then he said 'When are you planning to go?' I said I dunno, but I'd like to at some point because I have lots of friends I want to meet. He said 'It's not as simple as that, is it?' I said yes it was, if you have a dream in life, you should follow it, and I'd rather be happy than sitting here waiting for my family to visit me. He looked even sadder when I said that.
Then he tried to put the book in his coat. I said 'No, that's mine.' He said 'Can't I keep it?' I said no, it was my copy. He said 'When do I get my copy?' I asked him if he'd read it if I bought him one. He said yes. I told him I'd give him my copy after I'd shown my friends, and I'd even gift wrap it for him.
I said 'You don't like it, though, I don't know why you want one.' He said he was pleased for me and said 'well done', but I know he doesn't approve. Well, tough, I wanted to do this.
Then he asked me (in front of the children) whether I was coming over for Christmas, and all the kids were looking at me with their big eyes.
I said 'Andy, that isn't fair to ask me that in front of them.' He grinned at me and said 'I know.' Then DD1 chipped in and said 'C'mon mum, I can give you your present then.'
At this point I was feeling loads of guilt and pressure, so I decided that honesty was the best way to deal with it. I said 'Look Andy, I don't want to come because I'm scared of you.' He looked surprised that I would say that, and said 'Don't be silly, why would you be scared of me?' I said 'You always hurt me, and it's just setting myself up for more. You're not interested in me, you don't really want me there and I'll have to come round, while you do that for 'the sake of the kids', and feel like an outcast with my own family. You will reject me like you always do, sit the other side of the room glued to the TV and off your face on drugs while I've cooked, wrapped presents, you name it, you'll reject me and then I'll end up crying on the sofa while you and your brother make fun of me.'
He ignored all of that and just repeated 'Are you coming for Christmas?' I said not if you reject me, hurt me etc etc. He said he wouldn't, and 'can't you just come and have fun?'
Then before I had chance to answer, he added 'What are you cooking for Christmas Dinner?' !!!!!!!!!
All the girls started hopping about excitedly so I gave in and told him what I was planning to cook, and asked him to buy some foil.
Then I said, 'If you hurt me, even once, I will walk out. I don't care if I have to walk 10 miles home, I will walk out.'
He nodded. We had a discussion about food and the Hamper I ordered, then he looked at my photos and said 'these are a nice set of photos' and he admitted I 'didn't look much older than when I was 21'.
