I just got a call from the IVF clinic. Both the ladies didn't succeed. The IVF cycle failed.
Also, because they could only reach 5 eggs, they probably wouldn't use me as a donor again. The dr would have to look at my notes and my drug dosages to see if he could have me on higher dosages of drugs before they would consider me donating again. Plus, what with me needing a general anasthetic and not being able to have the chemo drugs, my chances of being accepted again aren't great.
They said I could volunteer and I would be given an appointment to go and see the consultant to discuss it.
I told the IVF nurse that I would consider my options and in a few months I would contact them again if I wanted to see the consultant.
To think I went through 7 months of clinic visits, blood tests, STD tests, internal examinations, counselling, scans, about 50 injections I had to learn myself, every flippin' day, all the side effects I had with the ear pain and the dry skin, pain with my VS, being knocked out, a whole day in hospital, drowiness, sickness and 4 days of post-operative pain, and IT DIDN'T BLOODY WORK!!!!!!!!!!
I have never felt such a failure in all my life. And those poor women, they must be gutted. I must have just got their hopes up only to be disappointed again. I feel guilty. If they'd got more than 5 eggs, they could have made frozen embryos and tried again. They can't try again because of me, unless they go back on the waiting list for months, for another donor.
I feel guilty.
Of course I phoned up Andy in tears again, wonderful stuff. I hate him but when things go wrong, he's still the first person I want to speak to. Ugh.
He is totally against me donating again. He says the side-effects are too much and that I'll end up killing myself and it might fail again anyway. I told him I was gutted, I'd had all that painful stuff done and every damn doctor in the UK between my damn legs and then it doesn't work.
We talked for a few minutes about it. Then he said he'd call me later. Ugh. I feel so awful.
