My trip to London:

I had to get up at 5.40am to be ready in time, UGH. Walked to the bus station in the dark but only waited 5 minutes for it to arrive.

Got to London at 11am with a headache (I get headaches a lot), which I was praying wouldn't turn into a migraine as I didn't bring my peppermint tea with me. Got to the Kensington Close Hotel (just off Kensington High Street) and found steps up to the front door which was annoying. They did have disabled access but that was locked and I had to ask for help which pissed me off something rotten.

My room was cold, even with heating, and the window wasn't double glazed, although the bed was nice for a single one and really big, and there was a nice comfy chair and a TV and nice bathroom.

Anyway, after I'd put my bags in my room I decided to go to a chemist and buy some painkillers as, like a fool, I had forgotten my homeopathy etc, so I went to 'Boots the chemist' and bought these headache pills that were really bad for you (paracetamol and 30mgs of caffeine, terrible) but they had vitamin C in them so that's not too bad. As I was queuing with my pounding head, the cashier started jumping up and down with joy, shouting, 'my sister's in labour!' so I was stuck there trying to pay for my pills while she was practically having heart failure over being an aunty, and I thought to myself, that's great, girl, but I just want this headache to go away

Then of course I tried to find a cafe so I could take the pills but all of them had huge steps at the enterance so I couldn't go in them. The only one I found where I could get in was McDonalds (sp?) - now, I HATE McDonalds. I knew Dave, the guy who started the 'McLibel' trial, I was vegetarian for nearly 13 years (still am, 95%, don't have meat very often and never if I have to cook it myself), I was involved in the live export demos of the 1990's and when me and Andy were first dating, most of our 'dates' were picketing somewhere, so you get the general idea, right, that walking into McDonalds is like, a big SIN.
Luckily they did have a ramp so I could get to their cashiers without a problem. I ordered a large coffee to take my pills with and sat there thanking God I was in London and not Nottingham where someone I know might see me.

Anyway, the pills did their stuff a little so I then went and did some shopping (spent far too much, gulp - but only spent £15 on Andy and the rest on the girls). Went in 'Next' clothes store and bought big furry jumpers for each girl and when you've got 4 daughters, well, that on it's own came to £50. I am broke and will be for quite some time.

Then I went in a toy store and bought some dolls for DD4. She wanted 'Barbie' but Barbie is too expensive so I got a similar but smaller doll for less money, that has a toy horse with it, and then a male doll as well, to be the 'husband', lol, so I hope she isn't disappointed that it wasn't 'Barbie', but the prices for Barbie are obscene.

Ate out in another tacky fast food restaurant and then went back to the hotel, still feeling ill, so I ended up going to bed at 7pm, would you believe, with this headache, but at least it was in a posh room.

Got up next morning, headache had gone but was replaced by nausea so I took some more pills and resolved to go easy on my stomach for the day.
Went to the hotel restaurant only to find that the only access was down a flight of steps so that pissed me off and I complained to one of those guy's in penquin coats that there was no access.

He helped me down the steps. He was completely gorgeous (20's or early 30's) and I was looking at him thinking, 'come and play with me in the lift' I've just been on my own for too long, LOL.

There was this buffet in the restaurant but I only had bread and fruit juice because of my bad stomach, and sat there listening to the music which was very nice.

Then I hailed a cab to the makeover studio and spent 5 hours there. First they showed me through to this lounge with big sofas and scatter cushions and this Chinese guy asked me if I wanted a drink. I just said water because I still didn't feel very well.

Then I got called through to the makeup artist and she did my makeup for me and curled my eyelashes etc. Then a hair stylist curled the ends of my hair and I went back to the lounge for a moment. This other woman piped up
'Wow, you look amazing!'
She kept grinning at me from the other side of the room, and then offered for me to go on my appointment before her, which was nice.

I was introduced to the photographer and I showed her these 4 outfits I brought with me that are my favourite 'evening' wear and she showed me some accessories that she had and then she did the photo shoot and kept asking me to pose in all these different ways. There was pop music on in the background so I felt like a cover girl, LOL.

I've got this butterfly hairclip that I put on that looked really good and this really big necklace with purple beads - don't normally wear things round my neck but I wore it on this occasion.

They then did this slide show with about 40 pictures of me on it. I looked pretty good on most of them, not as good as pre-D but then I have had 4 years of stress, but I reckon I still looked good, considering.

Of course, they wanted me to buy loads of them and spend a fortune so I said no to all their prices (too much credit debt anyway) and was about to leave, when the lady said if I purchased 9 of them, she'd give me an extra 13 for free and with a free album. She said they don't normally give them away but she'd never had anyone say no before, LOL.

I agreed to that one, paid her the last of my Christmas money (an obscene amount of money but still hundreds of pounds cheaper than what she wanted to charge me) and my album of me will be arriving in 6 days time.

There's one of me with my hair done very '1940's' style and I'm wearing the big necklace and it does look quite 'Rita Hayworth'. Anyway, it now means I've got no money for my holiday next month so I have to finish my articles quick and hope they pay me in January.

I paid for my holiday by selling antiques, maybe I could raise the spending money by selling something else, LOL. I only need it for food and drink while we are there.

Anyway, my mini bug thing went away by the time I had the photo shoot so that was okay. That left me with half an hour to go back to the hotel and get my bags before leaving.

Andy phoned me and said he'd been trying to call but I didn't answer. I apologised and we talked about what time I would be arriving back. He sounded tired and stressed.

Got back later than planned, at 8.30pm and he was already waiting in his car outside the bus station. I apologised profusely and he walked towards me, smiling and said
'Wow, look at you!'
I blushed.
I was still done up like a movie star.

Got in the car and all the girls were singing Christmas songs at the tops of their voices, even though it's not December yet.

We got back to my house and Andy hid my shopping bags while I made him coffee. Then I told them about my trip and he said I was 'mad' for getting the photographs, which of course, he is right about, but this is definitely a one time only thing. I'm getting older, anyway, so I won't look good enough in a few years time!

He complimented me on my shoes (bright pink, LOL) - I've worn them before so I don't know why this is the first time he noticed.

We talked about DD4's Christmas Concert and my upcoming holiday and the girls messed up my entire living room in only an hour.

Then he said, 'see you on Wednesday', and I was like, you what? And he said I was having the girls on Wednesday while he does probate stuff about his dad. I told him I couldn't remember that.

He said I agreed before. I said 'Did I?' Can't for the life of me remember us arranging that, so he left and I felt a bit overwhelmed because of it being sprung on me and a bit panicky because something usually goes wrong, so I ended up fretting over it all night and then wrecked the DB'ing by phoning him this morning to say I wasn't sure and then all my insecurities over them and Christmas and everything came out at once.

I told him he had dozens of women who could look after them and I am just another woman in the long line of women so he didn't need me for them at all. He denied this and said it wasn't like that and he did need me for them.

I asked if Rose would be there at Christmas. He said probably, for a bit, since she lives there. I said 'So that means that EX-OW1 will be coming in on Christmas Day to see her daughter?'
He said maybe.
I told him I can't do it and that I'd rather he and the girls came to mine.
He said
'I just suggested it because I have more space for all of us; I was trying to be helpful.'
I told him I couldn't put up with it if EX-OW1 walked into the room on Christmas Day, it was bad enough the last time and that wasn't Christmas then.
He said
'Christmas is supposed to be about good will and forgiveness. It's over between me and her and has been for ages. Why can't you just forgive her?'

Forgive her!? He wants me to forgive the woman who not only slept with my husband while we were still legally married, but also testified against me in court, helped him take my DD away from me and lied under oath.
Wonderful, of course I can forgive her.
I told him I could be polite to her, civil, but that forgiveness was stretching it too far.

Then I told him I had to go out. So I don't know what's happening tomorrow. He sounded annoyed, but I don't care. I am getting hurt and am not going to be anymore.

Jo.