I donated eggs for a lot of reasons. The first being that when I was 17, I was misdiagnosed with PID and told that they didn't think I could have children. Well, I had a few months thinking I was infertile, and it was terrible. I cried my eyes out, outside the clinic and we vowed to have a baby as soon as possible, hence DD1's birth when I was 18.
When she was a year old, I enquired about donating eggs because I wanted to help women facing this plight (the minimum age limit for donating eggs was 19) and they sent me an information pack but at that time I was setting up my business and having more of my own children so I was too busy. I decided to put the idea on the back burner for a few years.
Then I also had 2 miscarriages, 2 threatened miscarriages and 1 pregnancy which I stopped in 2003. There were medical probs, but it would have lived and my reasons were more social (sitch with Andy and the court) and mental health reasons (depression).
It was a horrific experience and has plagued me with guilt for the last 2 years. I told myself after that, that I would do everything in my power to create life instead of destroying it so I again thought of the egg donation, but I was still in court at the time so couldn't.
I lost DD3 at the same time (she used to live with me), of course I had already lost my elder two, so I sunk myself into raising the one daughter I had left. It doesn't cure the emptiness, though.
Then this March I took my kids for a birthday party at Lanky Bill's Fun Shack and there was this poster on the wall, saying 'COULD YOU GET ANOTHER WOMAN PREGNANT?' and then this web address for egg donation. I took down the details and when I got home, I looked them up, found the CARE clinic in Nottingham (pioneers of IVF and creators of the world's first IVF baby) and I phoned them and said 'Do you need any eggs?' They had at that time, 178 women on the waiting list for eggs, so I started going there in April. I had to have a month or so off because of my m/c and another month off because of side-effects, but 7 months later, I have finally donated, and 9 years after I first got the idea.
I don't think I am a bad mother; I think he thinks I'm a bad mother, and I think he plays on that because he knows I am bothered by what others think, esp. him. I should be stronger, but I'm not. All I want is peace, at any cost. I'm too tired for any other option.
I agree he is totally unstable. I quoted what he said to me about taking things slow and 'we have a future' etc and he completely denied saying it, even though it was only 4 days prior.
It's like he'll say or do something and then a few days or weeks later will re-invent it to suit his current agenda. I told him that in those words. But at any rate, I am starting to believe that out of the two of us, he is the one with the mental illness, and I am going to do my best to keep away from him as much as possible.
I really wish you were here to make that cup of tea - sounds very inviting! I've had lots of water and that seems to have taken the fever down, and I slept whilst DD4 was in nursery.
