You are doing a wonderful job staying as centered as you can during a very tough time. I've learned tons thru your posts.
The whole DBing site is rather dedicated to the one-sided situation of one person wanting the R, the other not. So I see this forum as just more of the same, with an additional somewhat irrelevant piece of civil paperwork thrown in. Depending on one's spiritual beliefs, especially those regarding the bonding and oneness formed by a marriage, the D means relatively little in the big picture. To be truthful, I wrestle with that bond, especially when I'm interacting with an attractive woman without a ring on my finger.
To me, 'dropping the rope' has been incredibly freeing. I don't have to control my R or the behaviors of my XW anymore. I can pour those energies and that time into remolding myself in a way that maximizes my potential. Whether I'll end up with XW or with another even more amazing woman is besides the point. I assume that either WILL occur, but I'm in no hurry to make it happen. B/c I don't need it to.
Being in this position really frees a person from bitterness or resentment. I want to be XW's friend, not to manipulate her into my bed or a new M, but b/c we'd make great friends. I'm experiencing some of that already.
Stay positive, Jo! You are evolving into a most incredible woman. And in terms of your earlier post about getting older, you're still at least 2 years away from your sexual prime. Andy or another lucky man will have much to celebrate with you as their partner.
Andy or another lucky man will have much to celebrate with you as their partner.