WCW - What a fabulous list of positives. Here is my perspective

Got home to a bunch of surprises, critters everywhere (again!) and a new pile of gravel. huh? we've needed gravel for over a year, but for 5 years I'd ask H about what size gravel etc, and order it, and it was always wrong, every time, and H would criticize me. I quit doing it, said just make the phone call yourself. Well, I guess he finally did.

Well done H, right? What was your response to the fact that he did something you have been asking for a long time? I mean, did his efforts gain any reward that he would feel inclined to do what you ask for again? If he was a colleague at work, or a friend, who had done something important for you (forget the 5 year history) how would you have reacted?

Things continue to bug me, H absolutely will not include me in any of his thoughts or pieces of his day.

Yeah, many of us have been through this. Have you read Mars/Venus by any chance? Sometimes its just as simple as people being wired differently. NG processes things and will communicate almost after he has acted on his decision, whereas I like to talk about my options to death before making a decision This is a comfort zone thing, he will open up if he feels there will be no judgement, criticism and only support. Give it time, and consistent demonstration on your part that you are interested, without pursuing.

H slipped out in conversation that he DID make the mortgage payment.

Congratulations! So you will be doing more of the same? Leaving your portion for him to add his share and make payment? Looks like he responds when you show him you trust him to do things, like settle the payment. Something worth building on. Did you say thank you nicely

Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time